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The Snob


Snotty little 20 year old "cultural elitists" looking all serious and stuff.

Every art school has an army of these guys. Snobs are the jerkoffs that think everything sucks except for the shit that other snobs all agree to approve of (at least for the time being). These assholes all dress in black and probably wear neck scarves, Buddy Holly glasses and/or berets, even though everyone knows that they look totally gay. The Snob will lecture you endlessly about art any time they are given the chance, so be careful not to engage them in conversation unless you are trying to sex up a female Snob. All that self-righteousness makes them very horny, and all the male Snobs are gay with each other (although they’ll never admit it). Because they are wound up so tight and have no way to release their aggression physically, the female Snob is a real wildcat in bed.

The Virgin


"We're gonna get so much pussy in art school, whooooo!"

There are dorks who never got laid in high school that think that by going to art school, they will have a better chance at getting some trim. The reasoning for this is that there are no jocks or frat boys at art school. Sadly, the alpha-male protocol applies to nerds too, and there will always be someone higher on the food chain than these hopeless dweebs. If a Virgin should ever make it to senior year, they will have gradually evolved into “The Date Rapist”.

The Retard


Brilliant performance art or dangerously unhygienic

The Retard is in art school only because it’s so difficult to find a babysitter for a grown man with a propensity for making decorative macaroni pictures. Art school is the perfect place for a complete and total spazz, because while it may be easy to spot a tard in a Molecular Biology or English Literature class, it’s significantly less so in an art class where the line between genius and mongoloid is a very thin one indeed. There ought to be grades given out for holding in your laughter when The Retard presents their projects, because it’s one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in art school.