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The Housewife


So... Goddamn... Creepy...

This sad creature is in her late 40’s has been a housewife all her life, hasn’t spoken to her husband in years, and hasn’t gotten laid in decades. The Housewife is looking for meaning in her empty life by exploring her creative side. You would expect an expression of utter nihilism from such an empty, broken subject, but instead what you get is insipid flower paintings and photographs of other people’s babies. The Housewife will almost certainly come on to you in some fumbling and desperate manner, but do not confuse The Housewife with a “Cougar”. They are not even the same species, and even The Virgin would not let one of these hankmonsters climb on top of them.

The Art Slut


Just tell her you "admire her artistic vision" and she'll spread like butter on toast.

The old adage says that if she smokes, she pokes. An old art school adage says that the number of visible piercings on a female student’s body directly correlates to her average number of sex partners on a weekly basis. The Art Slut is always “down to blaze”. The Art Slut will gladly pose nude for your photography/fine art illustration/film/astronomy and/or contemporary basketweaving project. The Art Slut is bisexual. The Art Slut will give you an STD. Whatever you do, never, EVER date an Art Slut. They are all bat shit crazy and will probably cut you.

The Goddamn Kiss-Ass


Now THIS GUY knows the way to his burned out failure of an instructor's heart!

This little jerk knows everything about every single instructor, and never hesitates to show off their “worldly” appreciation of said instructors’ work. This is made especially annoying by it’s completely obvious transparency, as all of your instructors are total failures and everybody knows it. This will not help the little prick get a gallery show or anything, because all the instructors really wants is for someone to give them some really good pot after class.

Check back next week for "More Jerkoffs You Are Sure to Meet in Art School"!