At seven years old, Tommy Goldhammer became the youngest movie executive in Hollywood. Now eight, he’s brimming with movie wisdom. Every week, he brings you a preview of the upcoming new releases at the box office.

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By Tommy Goldhammer |
I used to have a Friday ritual in first grade. As soon as school got out, every week I knew the drill. My mom would take me to McDonald’s. I can’t even explain to you the amount of joy that would course through my veins as the minutes ticked down to 3 o’clock every Friday. I would rock in my chair, bang my head against the desk… I swear to God, McDonald’s is like f**king cocaine to a seven-year old. |
Anyways, unlike most losers that will automatically go for the cheeseburger Happy Meal (CHUMPS!) my meal of choice was the four-spot of Chicken McNuggets. Why? Cause they’re breaded! They’re like bite-sized chicken sandwiches.
Then came the fateful day. On the last day of school, my mom picked me up, and I was tweaking in the car. My body knew what was coming. My body was begging for some McNug meat. And having finished the first grade, I figured it was probably time I also update my choice of cuisine. So I switched to the 20-piece McNuggets. And guess what? THIS DID NOT WORK OUT FOR ME. You see, after those first four nuggets go down, mysteries begin to get solved. Your body becomes a scientist, and starts to get to the bottom of why the McNugget breading is moist, and why it has almost nothing to do with moisture. Numbers never work in favor of garbage.
