 By Nathan Jordan |
Hello, all! It’s been awhile, but your favorite gossip columnist is back in action and gossispier than ever! First of all, I want to thank my fans for all of the cards and get-well wishes. I can assure you that I’m out of the “special” hospital for good. I’ve dealt with my divorce, the paranoid schizophrenia seems to be under control, and WEIRD AL YANKOVIC’S restraining order against me is set to expire in just a few short months. |
It’s all sunshine and roses, mostly thanks to my new friends at the Mark Speedman Spiritual Compound, located in the desert just outside of San Bernardino, California. Any-who, on with the latest gossip!
Who is Rihanna’s latest Rude Boy?
Is RIHANNA’S relationship to baseball super-stud MATT KEMP already on the rocks? Only if you’re talking about the drinks they were seen enjoying together on Saturday night at Voyeur, the hottest new night club in West Hollywood.
Of course, the hottest gossip this spring has involved that nasty, nasty JESSE JAMES cheating on SANDRA BULLOCK with a Nazi stripper. Sandra must be devastated, and I would like to personally invite her to the 4th annual Mark Speedman Spiritual Retreat in Bakersfield this coming weekend. Sandra, you’ll get to know some super folks. I know for a fact that Mr. Speedman himself would love to meet you. From what I’ve heard, meeting Mr. Speedman is such a mind-blowing spiritual experience that you will forget all about what’s-his-name. (Come on, Sandy, my little church group needs some super-celeb cred. Be our TOM CRUISE!)
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One of us! One of us! Come on Sandra, change your life!
