Scorpio: (Oct. 24 -- Nov. 21)
Compelling flirtations in business relationships may be distracting today: early this afternoon watch for new customers, clients or work partners to issue subtle or mildly unethical proposals. File a lawsuit against them for sexual harassment. Then file lawsuits at anyone who looks at you funny. Sue yourself.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 -- Dec. 21)
Late this morning, your insight and diplomacy will be needed in close relationships. Romantic disagreements or minor social stresses may be bothersome over the next few days as your lover insights on getting a sex change operation and insists that you get one as well. Scratch your head.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22 -- Jan. 19)
Love affairs and new romantic attractions will be difficult to avoid today. Over the next few days watch for a powerful wave of social flirtations, group invitations and unusual compliments. Enjoy all such attention, especially the compliments about the size of your shins. Highlight this by rubbing on shin-cream, for more shinier shins. Go to a speech therapist.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20 --Feb. 18)
Marital or long term relationships will now enter a phase of fast communications and social excitement: humor, wit and wisdom may now play a key role in romantic intimacy. Over the next 2 days watch for loved ones to address previously painful issues with light hearted banter and large colorful illustrations with enormous detail. Tom Hanks must be stopped.
Pisces: (Feb. 19 -- March 20)
Workplace relationships may now expand to include outside social plans or unique partnerships. New friendships and enjoyable romantic flirtations will now provide a exploration team who will journey to the South Pole by foot, starting from your house. March onward!
Aries: (March 21 -- April 19)
Early this afternoon, watch for unexpected announcements or strong declarations of feeling from romantic partners. Over the next 2 days loved ones may issue highly structure plans for the future of mankind which will involve insects as a new source of food and sexual pleasure. Punch a cop.
