 By Nathan Jordan |
Like millions of other red-blooded American males, I eat, breath, and sleep professional curling. Of course, there are curling fans, and then there are real curling fans. If you have to ask what the difference is, then you are not a real curling fan. Since I’m the biggest curling fan there is, I wouldn’t even know who to ask if I had to ask. So, boo-yah! |
Naturally I took this week off of work to root for the US men’s curling team. Okay, I’ll root for the women’s team too, but women’s curling is kind of a joke. I don’t care about all of the arguments about how women’s curling emphasizes strategy and technique; women just don’t sweep as hard as the men do. I think most fans agree that without hard sweeping there’s just no “wow factor" to the curling.
You call that a delivery?
So this week is going to be spent on the couch with bated breath as the world comes to a standstill for the Olympic curling tournament. And all I have to say is that the U.S. better win the f**king tournament this year. Here’s a list of things I’ll do if the U.S. doesn’t bring home gold in curling:
1. Kill myself.
Yes, I know, the U.S. men’s team is pretty weak this year. I mean, John Shuester as the skip? Come on! He’s a third at best. And don’t even get me started on John Benton. That guy should be wearing electrical tape on his slider somewhere in Oshkosh. And how many stones has Chris Plys burned? What an asshole. Yep, there’s a reason I don’t have any Americans on my fantasy curling team.
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Lots of room for improvement with this bunch of assholes.
