 By Dave Schilling |
Gentleman readers, as you might be aware, you are down to the last 7 days before the sky opens, the seas boil and blood rains from a massive, red cloud. No, it's not Armageddon I'm talking about, nor is it the end of the movie Ghostbusters. I'm referring to...Valentine's Day. |
Yes, it's that most painful holiday for the male of the species. We have to suck in our guts, pretend to not be broke and dig deep in our hearts to find some shred of sincerity. Impossible, you say? Nothing is impossible, my good friends! With the help of the crack staff of CraveOnline, you can have the Valentine's Day your semi-attractive girlfriend has always dreamed of!
Today marks the start of Love Week here at Crave. What does that mean for you, the illiterate hillbilly just hoping that all these "wurds" will eventually morph into a naked picture of Christina Ricci with a lizard head shooting laser beams out of her buttcrack? It means that we're going to give you a steady stream of glorious articles with handy advice on how to tame the female beast.
The writing team at Crave is jam-packed with experts on love, relationships and deviant sexual positions. Some of us are happily married. Some are in long-term relationships. Some are adventurous single guys with tons of experience "hooking up." Some are closet homosexuals with excellent taste in Italian shoes. It's up to you to decide who's who!
Love Week promises to be the biggest week in Crave's history, with more useful advice on male-female relations than 5 episodes of Dr. Oz and 8 episodes of Tyra combined!
Allow me to leave you with the winners of the Official CraveOnline Love Week Couple of the Year. They worked hard for this award, so let's give them a hand!
That's one couple that's destined to last FOREVER!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO,
David Wayne Schilling: Editor-at-Large, Keymaster of Gozer, Hot Dog Eating Champion, World's Best Dad, Lord Grayskull -- CraveOnline Humor
