Scorpio: (Oct. 24 -- Nov. 21)
Business partnerships and long term expectations may be finalized over the next few days,. Early Tuesday afternoon expect authority figures or managers to settle long standing disputes by using an elaborate series of magic tricks and illusions. A secretary will be sawed in half. But don’t worry, it’s only….AN ILLUSION! The receptionist will levitate in air. Again, don’t worry, it’s only….AN ILLUSION! Stamp out hatred.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 -- Dec. 21)
Loved ones may reveal unexpected opinions this week. New relationships are now primed for dramatic expansion. Prepare for this by taking a class in “Dramatic Expansion” offered by The Learning Annex. The class will be taught by a registered nurse named “Sally”. Bring something to write with and a small boxed lunch. Kick a German.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22 -- Jan. 19)
Social triangles may be surprisingly demanding over the next few days. Early Tuesday afternoon a friend or lover may reveal serious doubts about the loyalty to the KISS Army. Check there loyalty by a series of true and false questions administered by a 7 year old with the IQ of 180. Fear Italians.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20 --Feb. 18)
Work relations will be tricky this week. Over the next few days a quick upsurge of new duties, messages or instructions may cause confusion to people under the age of 3 and over the age of 87. Solve this situation by going shopping for an elaborate hat. The Irish hate you.
Pisces: (Feb. 19 -- March 20)
Last minute work plans or business changes may require quick attention this week. Over the next 2 days watch for previously silent or withdrawn colleagues to now boldly ask for key changes in both dress policy and the use of racial slurs in the work place. Combat this problem by shopping for an elaborate hat and some matching shoes. Put something in your ear.
Aries: (March 21 -- April 19)
Physical energy may fluctuate early this week. Health, vitality and optimism are now all changing. Over the next few days expect the steady arrival of food poisoning. This is due to eating a bad batch of shellfish. Expect vomiting followed by more vomiting. Consider a CB radio.
