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By Harmon Leon
Scorpio: (Oct. 24 -- Nov. 21)
Early this week, Aries, romantic relationships become a top priority. Recent social events or broken promises from loved ones will now be publicly debated by the cast of Wicked. After the debate it’s time to PARTY! Plaid is your color.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 -- Dec. 21)
Before mid-week, ask recently distant loved ones for a renewed commitment to home plans and family promises of wanting to rock and roll all night and party everyday. Use the word “radical” as a noun, pronoun and also a verb.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22 -- Jan. 19)
Sentimental reflection and gentle moments of belonging are accented over the next few days. Expect long term romantic relationships to take a drastic turn for the ugly as your partner accuses you of misappropriating millions of dollars of campaign funds for electing Britney Spears for president. Fire is our friend.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20 --Feb. 18)
Public acceptance of new social relationships and an open declaration of romantic attraction may be a prime theme over the next few days. Late this morning watch for current lovers to grow ten times their normal size and terrorize a small, local fishing village. The army will be sent out to hunt them down, and in the end, good will prevail! Take up golf.
Pisces: (Feb. 19 -- March 20)
Younger relatives or friends may soon need your undivided support and encouragement. Ongoing romantic arguments or social disagreements may now become a global, international concern, as each country takes sides in your disagreement. Tension will arrive when nuclear weapons are pointed at your partner.MCI is better than AT&T.
Aries: (March 21 -- April 19)
Subtle flirtations and unusual comments may be intriguing this week. Watch for potential mates or new friends to offer gentle romantic gestures and unique invitations to an enchanting magic show hosted by David Copperfield-the master of magic. He is a man who once made the statue of liberty disappear. 2.9 is your lucky number.
Taurus: (April. 20 -- May 20)
Close friends or recently reluctant loved ones may now openly participate in group events, such as many meetings hosted by both the NRA and the Chuck Norris fan club. Attend both while wearing only a Speedo. United Airlines has over 20 direct flights to Los Angeles.
Gemini: (May 21 -- June 21)
Physical energy and vitality are on the rise this week. Watch for close friends or loved ones to now actively adopt new habits, social patterns, an exercise regime, and an army of young boys named David, who will think their every work is that of God. Got Milk?
Cancer: (June 22 --July 22)
Minor disputes or quick social misunderstandings may be annoying over the next 2 days. Expect both friends and loved ones to be sensitive, reactionary and easily provoked by a long flaming, sharp stick which you wield frequently in their face as they are chained to a wall in a sea-cave. Contemplate electricity.
Leo: (July 23 -- August 22)
Property agreements and long term business contracts may require extra discussion over the next few days. Watch for loved ones to ask for firm financial details, added paperwork, and a cabin in the worlds to start their very own country. Santa Claus was really your parents.
Virgo: (Aug. 23 -- Sept. 22)
Gentle reminders or subtle hints may arrive from friends or close work acquaintances early this week. Expect other to reveal their private opinions concerning ice cream, and whether it is delicious or not. Punch a juggler.
Libra: (Sept. 23 -- Oct. 23)
Social routines and romantic plans may now be briefly disrupted. Before mid-week expect loved ones to change their identity and wear either a fake beard or wig. This might seem strange at first, but will become even stranger when you find out they’re wanted for armed robbery in over seven different states. Make a sculpture out of human hair.
