"Harmonoscopes" by Harmon Leon

Business and financial announcements are accented early this week.  Watch for work officials or long term business partners to request detailed reports on both the herring gull and it’s mating habits and the timber wolf; lone predator of the North. Accompany the reports with many pictures and have it on their desk by Friday morning. Godzilla is real.

Home and romantic plans may be openly discussed over the next few days. Expect loved ones to be emotional and highly changeable. Key areas of concern are older family members who you have locked in cages in the basement. Be sure to give them fresh water daily. Swimming is fun.

Group events and romantic proposals may be complex and demanding early this week. Watch for friends, colleagues and loved ones to strongly disagree concerning planned scheduled no-holds-barred wrestling events, which you’ve organized to bring them closer together. 1+1+2

Love relationships will intensify over the next few days: expect long silent loved ones to now demand extra attention, final promises and shiny new silver suits from the future. They will now want to refer to you as their leader and wage war on the mole people. Ants ravage your kitchen.

Complicated business or travel plans will take on a fairly dramatic tone this week. For the next few days expect authority figures or work partners to present unusual ideas concerning cheese, lawn chairs and several members of the accounting staff. Pout.

Social discussions and short-term dealings with friends may become emotional over the next few days. Expect others to passionately defend their pets and grandparents by claiming they are both useful members of society. Trip a fireman.

Romantic communications will deepen over the next few days. Watch for loved ones to now actively participate in family events or openly discuss new commitments to the Scientology church and L. Ron Hubbard who wrote Battlefield Earth. Make friends with outcasts.

Past employment disagreements will now fade. Over the next 3 days expect previous ego competitions will now take place in a plexi-glass dome and be waged to the death. Buy some good hiking boots.

Social invitations or group discussions may be complex early this week,

Sage. Expect friends and lovers to now publicly react to previously withheld feelings for boy bands and the clothes they wear by suddenly dressing like them. Stop now means go.

Unique family information may now be revealed. Over the next 3 days loved ones and romantic partners will be more motivated than usual to discuss family patterns, traditional roles and the Amish and the buttons on their trousers. Be cautious when they request that you help them raise a barn. Fire is your friend.

For the next few days, social relationships will be unpredictable. Watch for both friends and loved ones to reverse opinions, change plans or quickly deny their role in past drive by shootings and ritual murders. Whine.

New friends or socially demanding workmates will draw your attention over the next few days to a woman inside a box who appears to be sawed in half. This is called an “illusion” and is a common magician’s trick. Don’t be fooled. Regis Philbin is the devil.