"Harmonoscopes" by Harmon Leon

Watch for minor emotional changes in home relationships or family dynamics. Be weary if your dad insists on being called “mom”. There’s a strange man living in your attic.

A close friend may be moody or highly focused on recent romantic and social disappointments.  Make sure that firearms, binoculars and intricate maps are not on their shopping list. Don’t look in your basement.

Your public image and social reputation may bring new friendships into your life. Positive friends and lovers will be drawn to your large collection of luncheon meats from around the world. Read an entire phone book.

New relationships will soon deepen over the next few days expect the emotional consequences in close friendships or romance to become serious and demanding.  Combat this by not bathing and devoid all personal hygiene. Read an entire phone book backwards starting at the “Z”s.

Past relationships and yesterday's emotional debts may be on your mind over the next 2 days. Although introspection and nostalgia are strong at present they are also extremely positive.  Keeping with the theme of nostalgia, dress like a 1920’s flapper and do the Charleston.  Plastics are your friend.

Late today a close friend may present an unusual problem. It will involve both verbal and math, so be sure to bring several #2 pencils and some scratch paper. No cheating!

Work routines will be complex and changeable today. Early this afternoon expect officials and colleagues to reveal recent mistakes or costly financial delays, which will end with the execution of a South American dictator. The first three letters of funeral are “f-u-n”!

Over the next few days expect close friends or relatives to ask for your emotional support. Key issues may involve failed relationships or complex workplace struggles, and the manning of a robot society to live in rural Utah. Germs are everywhere!

Financial restrictions will be brief today but they will be strongly felt. Shortly after 12 noon check money details carefully: over the next few days misplaced invoices, new payments or forgotten debts may be bothersome. Combat this by converting all your cash into trinkets and blankets and try instituting the “barter” system in our society. Contemplate space travel.

Love relationships will be subtle and pleasing late this afternoon. Watch for loved ones or new romantic flirtations to steadily take over your life and become a horrific obsession, which will end in your arrest. Puppies are cute!

Avoid workplace disagreements and newly assigned duties, if at all possible today. Over the next 2 days co-workers or frustrated authority figures will publicly display their concerns about your public nudity. Disregard this and “nude-on”! Build a log cabin house.

Romantic communications will be subtle but extremely meaningful over the next 2 days. Late this afternoon expect loved ones and new romantic partners to gently burst into flames. This is called “spontaneous combustion” and it’s very rare. Cry.