Snake That Operates Sarah Palin Totally Blowing His Cover

What you may not know is that, after nearly exposing the whole ruse at a fundraiser for Wisconsin Right to Life last week, Sarah Palin Mark II has been working extra-hard to remind us all that she is totally a human being, just like us, and definitely not a garter snake piloting an elaborate assembly of tubes and servos designed to simulate human behavior. To that end, she has written a book, in which she carefully explains that, despite being a millionaire, a former beauty queen and the 2008 Republican nominee for Vice President of the United States of America, plus eating a live rat every seven to ten days, Sarah Palin is an ordinary American just like us.

Hai Guise! It's me, Snakey Palin!

If you’re like me, you’ve probably engaged in a lot of soul-searching about whether you’re going to read Going Rogue. On one hand, it’s an almost certainly hilarious book about a public persona whom our collective news culture has spent an enormous amount of time and verbiage trying to understand. On the other hand, it’s a book. And not just a book—it’s a 432-page book written by a garter snake and Lynn Vincent, the same woman who once claimed that gay people have executed a nationwide conspiracy to trick America into thinking they’re victims of prejudice. So it’s a dilemma. Fortunately, Maureen Dowd at the New York Times has saved us the trouble by reading Sarah Palin’s book for us, which is kind of like having the cat watch the dog while you’re on vacation. Dowd’s report on Going Rogue is fascinating, and it offers further proof that the snake that operates Sarah Palin A) desperately wants us to like him and B) doesn’t really understand the culture of human beings, or even our life cycle.