Tips For Job Hunting

By Nathan Jordan

With thousands of people looking for work these days, employment opportunities are becoming more and more scarce. Making  one’s self marketable in today’s unstable economic climate is more important than ever.

Whether it’s finding the right career or nailing that first job interview, we here at CraveOnline have some sound, practical advice for those struggling to find meaningful employment:
 
Make yourself more marketable by dropping phrases like “cool,” “awesome” and “made with all natural ingredients” into your everyday conversation.
 
Remember, it’s important to find a job that you enjoy. That’s good news if you enjoy restocking Funyuns on gas station shelves.
 
Whoopee cushions are hilarious. Just remember that in case it’s an interview question.
 

If you think it looks funny, you should hear how it sounds!
 
Consider relocating for a job. For example, we hear that the 1990s is a great place to look.
 
Becoming a fan of “employment” on Facebook is not really considered networking.
 
Jobs are like women. They smell strange, talk incessantly, and when you ask one on a date, for some reason they always say no.
 

Women. What’s up with that?
 
If you can’t find a job invent something clever, like a gigantic computer keyboard that allows people who don’t have fingers to type with their fists (patent pending).
 
You want a tip, asshole? Here’s $5…. Which I guess would make you a waiter now.  Job search over.
 
As tempting as it may be, it’s not necessary to mention the fact that you have an MFA at your Taco Bell interview.
 

Hi, I have an MFA, would you like to try a chalupa?
 
Job fairs are just like county fairs, except the carnies are employers, there’s no pie contest, and you can’t just up and urinate in front of the tilt-a-whirl.
 
Did you know that one of the fastest growing job sectors right now is Real Housewifing?
 
Remember, most business are required to fill racial quotas. Tanning pills are a great way to pass yourself as a minority and date Rae Dawn Chong.
 

Who said fraud doesn’t have it’s rewards?
 
If you never wrote a college essay on legalizing marijuana, forget it. You’re not getting a job.