 By J-Stache |
I'm naked here. Really dude, I don't wear clothes. Yes, those are the calluses on my ball bag. Try rubbing your fellas on a wool couch for 35 years...well, some of you furniture humping types obviously know what I mean. |
In any event, I will continue with the lecture series.
Despite my nakedness, I know about style and shit. Who do you think put that pink-pant-white-boot combo together for Oatesie back in the day? Me! Sure it looks pouf now, but back then... oy vey the shag it landed!!
I'm very tight with the gay community. Why? Because I'm the social force behind the ever blossoming gay self-esteem. I made the mustache cool. Gay dudes traded on my momentum, Tom Selleck got popular and a split second later, Sean Penn wins that Oscar for acting swishy in Milk. How I wasn’t thanked is f**king beyond me.
Let's give credit where credit is due, guys.
Irregardless, I asked some Sons of Liza what nerds can do to be more appealing to chicks... and don’t worry fellas, I emphasized the chicks. Here are some highlights:
- If I can tell what religion when you’re wearing jeans, your pants are too tight.
- There has never been, nor will there ever be, a time to mention Star Wars when attempting to get laid (my term)... this includes your ill-fitting Yoda tee-shirt.
- Stained sweat pants frighten people who don’t have Chlamydia.
- Some things are better left in the closet...your high school marching band rain slicker displaying your nickname in teal lettering is a prime example.
- Cologne does not cover 3 days of Dungeons and Dragons funk...you got to shower if you wanna plow her (my term)
- I hope you got something out of this. I feel like my public service for the year has been taken care of. Hope my PO sees it the same way.
Happy banging!

J-Stache
Last weeks blog: Drunk dialing with everyone's favorite drug abusing, alcoholic, animated mustache!
Previous blogs: John Oates' mustache teaches us how to pull some serious wool
For more J-Stache pearls of wisdom, please do yourself a service and visit Jstache.com!
