Ahoy, Ahoy.
These pale, limp-wristed nerds at Crave Online have been begging and pleading with me for months on how to teach them on how to score like a pro. So I’ve finally decided to give you my step-by-step instructions on how to hit it and never quit it.
First things first: you gotta know how to talk to a lady. She doesn’t care about your Level 70 Dark Paladin, and frankly neither do I, even if you raided the mines of Gorthir with only 500 HP and a handful of elixers. (wait, am I even still speaking English?)
.jpg?1253049613)
I have a simple motto in life when dealing with rough issues like this. Whether your tongue’s tied tighter than a bulldyke at boot camp or, if you’re like me, you’re trying to decide whether or not to bang the crazy firebush working at Starbucks or the hot blonde who’s trying to slam another restraining order on you: When push comes to shove, shove gets drunk.
In those frequent moments of weakness, you might feel compelled to reach out and touch somebody, be it physically (make sure to watch out for a swift backhand to the nuts) or through the magic of the telephone. If you do, make sure you’ve got the right number. But then again, if you’re wasted, does it really matter? For filmed proof, see below:
See? Get hammered enough and embarrassment disappears. If you don’t know what to say to a room full of cooze, open up a bottle of Liquid Conversation and have at it.
Soused, sloshed, and stewed,
J-Stache
Last weeks blog: John Oates' mustache teaches us how to pull some serious wool
For more J-Stache pearls of wisdom, please do yourself a service and visit Jstache.com!
