|
|
Normally, being broke is the worst thing that can happen to you. But the world is a funny place, and sometimes things can come in and out of fashion with little regard for history or tradition, like Hammer Pants or wearing a sweatband on your head when you’re not even playing tennis. |
Being broke is now one such thing. In a bizarre twist that many economists are calling the “Hoodriche Factor”, being broke is now considered more awesome than not being broke as a result of several factors. Mathematically speaking, the formula looks something like this:
Being Broke > Having Loads of Cash
How can this be possible? In order to help you understand, we’ve outlined ten reasons that support the formula:
Recession fashion is in style
Some homeless-looking dudes picking up on hot model babes. It's that easy!
Hipsters will pay a much as eighty American dollars at Urban Outfitters for the shitty, worn-out flannels in your closet. You can literally purchase a $300 outfit in the height of hipster fashion at any Goodwill store in any suburb in America (the ones in major cities are usually picked clean) for like twelve crispies. If you can pull off this look without beating your own self up for looking like an asshole, while also pretending to enjoy Fleet Foxes and Pabst Blue Ribbon, you’ll be up to your neck in hipster chick vag in no time.
Which brings me to reason number two:
Chicks don’t expect you to spend a whole bunch of money on them before they put out
Earth Girls Are Easy
Used to be that in order to get your pee-pee wet, you had to take a chick out to dinner or to a club or some such bullcrap and spend all this money on her. You might even have to do this more than once! It’s retarded. You both know that you’re not hanging out because you think the chick is real interesting or whatever. You’ve got plenty of other perfectly good friends you could party with if you wanted to not get laid at the end of the night. So essentially your date is trying to see how much free stuff she can get from you before she ends up on her back. But no longer! Now that everyone’s broke, “Recession Sex” articles have been appearing in big, bold letters on the covers of Cosmopolitan, Nylon, Vogue, Elle, Modern Period, The Nationalist and O Magazine. As a result, thousands of slump busters across the nation are totally down for one-night stands! What are the social implications of the suggestive powers of women’s social media and their conditioned response to obey conflicting stimuli under the pressure of pop cultural conformity? Who gives a f**k, Poindexter? Some of us are trying to have a good time over here, man.
