 By Ted Hucklebuck |
So my friend Pete Pelmo told me that a guy he knows is dating a chick who's best friend's sister knows a guy that delivers pizzas to Stan Lee. And he says that despite numerous statements to the contrary, the recent acquisition of Marvel Comics by Disney is going to have some pretty far-reaching implications! |
In fact, nearly the entire Marvel Universe is expected to go through some pretty significant changes to better fit in with the Disney worldview. Following is an exclusive look at some of the classified new character designs that we can expect to see rolling out in 2010...
Wolverine
Wolverine will be the first superhero to undergo a Disney “Re-Imagineering” to make him more palatable for family audiences. For starters, his adamantium claws will be replaced with flowers that spring from his fists, gently reminding his enemies about the beauty of nature and the importance of recycling. While Wolverine will retain his healing power, it will henceforth work in the reverse. Wolverine will now be able to heal those around him rather than himself, with the power of love. Glorious, hairy, mutant love.
Rogue
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Instead of absorbing other people’s powers, she absorbs other people’s companies. Zing!
