 By Dave Schilling |
Recently, I had the pleasure of attending a Los Angeles Galaxy soccer game at the Home Depot Center, in beautiful Carson, California (HOME OF THE WORLD’S LARGEST FREE-STANDING CHICKEN SANDWICH!). |
I love soccer. I think it’s the most beautiful of all the sports. The artistry, the passion, the excitement. It’s truly unparalleled.
At this most recent match, I was abruptly attacked by an elderly English woman with what appeared to be a glass eye. She yelled at me for 10 minutes in an unintelligible growl, then passed me the following letter. The only thing I could make out in her rant was “GIVE THIS TO DAVID BECKHAM!”
Now, I don’t know David Beckham personally to deliver this message to him, but hopefully he reads this website.
If so, hello Mr. Beckham! I’m posting this letter addressed to you. I hope that it finds you in good stead. Go Galaxy!
Dear David,
Oh, hello there David, it’s your mum. Glad to see you’re back in the States! You look a bit nackered, luv. Been layin’ the bones to that tart of wife? I saw those undie ads you did last year. Oy, you been smugglin’ marbles across the border or what?
Ya don’t write much na’more. Bein’ a world class footballer with an old lady with cracking fake knockers is a full time job, but what about your family, David? Lemme giv’ya an update on the brood then. I’ve included pictures of all of us, just in case all that fame and money made you forget what we look like.
First photo is of a certain special someone you might know.
It’s you as little boy! Oh, David, you were such a darling at that age. You were the most handsome 17 year old 5th grader on the bus! At least that’s what your dad told all his mates when he was drunk.
