 By Spaceman From The Future |
Greetings, Earthlings! Once again, the Spaceman From The Future makes your puny acquaintance! It’s been a sad couple of weeks for those of you stuck in the year 2009 and unable to travel through the thick, ropey, yellow stream of time. Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon and Billy Mays have all returned to the womb of Mother Nature. |
Death strikes us all at different times, for some, even before they’re ready. But there is a way out, carbon based units! I am prepared to fill you in on a shocking development straight out of the 29th Century. SPOILER ALERT: WE CAN DEFY MORTALITY!
After years of genetic engineering, scores of tests and a couple horrific mutants that we had to destroy with pitchforks and torches, I can now debut to you, the braindead simpletons of the 21st century…the Synthetic Neural Augmented Transmission Control Hub or S.N.A.T.C.H for short.
The first person we chose to reanimate was the greatest human being to ever walk the earth, a deity of unparalleled stupdendousness, a man who never EVER did anything wrong in his whole life and was completely and utterly normal…
I BRING YOU…
JACKOBOT 5000!
Spaceman From The Future: Jackobot! Can you speak?!
JACKOBOT: You crazy. Silly man.
SMFTF: SUCCESS! IT’S ALIVE!
SMFTF: As you can see in the above photo, JACKOBOT 5000 is a complex system of microprocessors, circuits and a state of the art neural net. I can say with complete certainty that no other artificial intelligence can Moonwalk!
JACKOBOT: That’s right, silly goose. I could dance circles around that D.A.R.Y.L kid.
SMFTF: THAT’S RIGHT, F**K D.A.R.Y.L!
JACKOBOT: Hey, watch your language, silly potato man.
