 By Harmon Leon |
Oh free reading light; still must be my beating heart. What would the Snuggie be without its trusty battery-powered companion? Emerging from its case like some metallic reptile of the future, the free reading light deserves a respectful shout-out. |
Don’t call the free reading light a “contraption.” Think of it and the Snuggie as two separate parts of the same system. The free reading light is the Laurel to the Snuggie’s Hardy, the Angelina Jolie to the Snuggie’s Brad Pitt: they are the Hollywood power couple of infomercial product.
ODE TO THE SNUGGIE FREE BOOK LIGHT
Oh art thou free reading light,
That comes completely free with the Snuggie.
With slim, sleek design,
You light my books,
You light my heart.
Mostly overlooked is that though the Snuggie will help lower your heating bills; the battery operated free reading light will help lower your electric bills. This is why Al Gore frequently offers them to visiting dignitaries and heads of state as the green solution for a better tomorrow. And when one is toasty warm and fully illuminated, it’s a little easier to contemplate how rising seas and devastating temperature shifts will soon destroy life as we know it.
We don’t much about the free reading light other than:
a) Its free
b) Its a light
c) Its suggested to be used for reading.
Super slim and totally portable, the Snuggie free reading light is like a gift from the future; as if it were transplanted via a time-machine from an era where jetpacks are in vogue and robot maids are as common as iPods. This intrepid little light looks like something the Terminator would use to track down Sarah Connor!
FREE READING LIGHT OPERATIONAL INSTRUCTIONS
Things needed:
1) Free reading light
2) A book
3) A delicious snack (optional)
Step One: Hold free reading light
Step Two: Let out a sigh of wonder.
Step Three: Push “open” button on side of free reading light.
Step Four: Prepare to have your mind blown.
Step Five: Witness metallic arm rising like Prometheus unbound.
Step Six: Begin reading and enjoy Snuggie-friendly snack (See recipe section)
Step Seven: Let out maniacal laugh.
THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH YOUR FREE READING LIGHT:
-Read
-Light things.
-Stare at it like you are hypnotized
-Turn on
-Turn it off
-Turn it on and turn it off.
-Take the batteries out then put them back in again.
-Turn off all the overhead lights in your home and play “search for your car keys.”
-Turn off all the overhead lights in your friend’s home and play “search for your friend’s car keys.”
-Use as foundation for spontaneous shadow puppet shows.
