 By Jeremy Azevedo
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A few weeks ago we presented you with a list of 5 80s sitcoms, badly in need of a modern update for today's distinguished TV viewing audiences.But with all the years of great television that we had to look back upon, we were bound to dig up a few more that are almost as funny today as they were 20-30 years ago! |
With just a few minor tweaks here and there, these 5 shows might even be the next "Arrested Development", beloved by critics (and hipsters that don't have TVs but "heard it was real good") and cancelled after barely three seasons!
Out of This World
Out of This World was already sort of unintentionally funny because it was about this dead-beat dad from space (voiced by Burt Reynolds, lol) who knocks up an earth babe and then bails, leaving her to raise a half-alien baby with all kinds of crazy-ass space powers. Only difference is that today, the show would probably take place in an Appalachian trailer park where it belongs, and Evie (the teenage half-alien) would be played by some hot little jailbait like Hayden Panatiere. Each week, Evie’s mother and her cousin/lover “Uncle Beano” try and force Evie into a freaky circus sideshow or some other get-rich-quick scheme, only to be thwarted when she stops time and replaces the trucker meth in their speed pipes with Sominex. Burt Reynolds may as well keep doing the voice too, because I’m reasonably certain that he isn’t doing shit-else.
Three’s Company
Three’s Company was a great show about one hot babe and one frumpster that live with a dude that pretends he’s gay and trips over couches. And then this old guy named Mr. Furley comes barging in with his eyes bulging out of their sockets to get pissed about something that isn’t even his business. Pretty much the only thing I’d change about this show would be to swap the frumpster chick out for another hot one, because that was really the only problem I ever had with the original show, to be honest. Oh yeah, also I’d make the two hot chicks lesbians. And instead of the couch, Jack Tripper would fall off the balcony in every episode or get punched in the dick by Mr. Furley or something more extreme like that. Today’s audience don't enjoy slapstick as musch as they used to, unless the victim ends up in the hospital or something.
Alf
I wouldn’t change a goddamn thing about Alf. That’s crazy talk. Except for maybe now he could actually be seen eating cats instead of just talking about it, because people have stronger stomachs these days after all of those goddamn hospital dramas. Cats are like steaks to Melmacians!
Golden Girls
Golden Girls was about these four old biddies that talk about all this nasty sex stuff all day. This was as disgusting as it was hilarious. Basically all you’d have to do for this to work today is have all of the old broads played by cougars. Cougars are still sorta gross, but they’re at least hot enough that you’d bone them if you were drunk and they bought you dinner or a pair of designer jeans or something like that. Plus the name “Golden Girls” would be even more appropriate, because all cougars love to apply fake tanner until they look like golden statues, but wrapped in bedazzled Christian Audigier denim and with fake tits bolted on.
Family Ties
Family Ties was a sorta funny sitcom about two hippy parents raising a family of Conservative Republican children. This same basic formula would work as well today, with a couple of Prius-driving liberals trying to get their republican children to take over their vegan health food store/yoga studio. In typical teenage fashion, the kids rebel against their hippy parents by eating meat, driving SUVs and studying to be stockbrokers. Hilarity ensues when the kids respond to yet another tofu dinner and Darfur lecture with a hail of rubber bullets, and the parents can’t do shit about it. Hippies are non-violent!
