For those of me that didn’t read my initial post-Oscar riot-act on Franco’s half-abysmal half-infuriating Oscar performance, here’s the link: The Selfish Prick and the Other One
For those of you who haven’t read the latest issue of Playboy, he’s still talking about the Oscars. To me, it’s the equivalent of that time I wore a white dress to prom, got my period, didn’t know it, and vomited on my boyfriend’s mother’s cleavage.
That never really happened, by the way. My point is, why would someone bring up a seriously humiliating night of their life when they were the star of the sh*t-show? It would be like Tom Cruise mentioning, "Hey, do you remember that time I jumped up and down on Oprah's couch like a wacko?! Good times!
But Franco re-hashing the laugh-ability and crap-ability of his Oscar performance months later is as ridiculous as his hosting skills themselves. If he had said nothing, we all might‘ve let time heal the wound and heck, at least half of us (okay, one-third) would’ve thought, “you know, perhaps it wasn’t that bad.”
But no. First he makes some reference to Anne Hathaway as the Tasmanian Devil. And what kills me about that is she is too classy to come back at him about how hosting with him was like having a corpse up there beside her and she was so energetic because the odor of embalming fluid was so strong. The girl would've been better off to have had a placard of John Candy up there with her (in his parka from Trains, Planes, and Automobiles, no less).
Here’s one of the gems from his Playboy interview.
As far as having low energy or seeming as though I wasn’t into it or was too cool for it, I thought, Okay, Anne is going the enthusiastic route. I’ve been trained as an actor to respond to circumstances, to the people I’m working with, and not to force anything. So I thought I would be the straight man and she could be the other, and that’s how I was trying to do those lines.
What?
Trained as an actor? Put down the bong, James. Did someone tell him that co-hosting the Oscars actually means co-acting the Oscars? What is this fool doing talking about his acting training and responding to his partner and circumstance??
And when the heck do you ever hear A-list actors talk about their training as a means to defend themselves? That would be like Obama mentioning a college course he took as the reason and defense for certain budget cuts he's making. That would not go over well if he said "Professor Snodgrass said this was a good idea..."
Honestly, I would have liked to see some of Hollywood's dukes and duchesses give him a kick in the arse. I would find it really satisfying to see Bette Midler slap him around, saying, "What the hell are you doing kid? This is show business!"
And lastly, for the sake of my ulcer, please don’t dress in drag and then talk about how they twisted your arm to dress in drag! I mean that’s just insulting. Franco has dressed in drag and then been photographed more times than Tim Curry and Jude Law combined.
Well the one good thing about all this is that I’m sure it’ll be a while before he’s nominated again, as I don’t think anyone in America could stomach seeing him grace the Oscar stage anytime soon.
