6) Ke$ha
I still remember the last thing my father told me. “I’m going out for cigarettes,” he said. “Also, never date a girl with a dollar sign in her name.” Ke$ha represents everything that’s wrong with American culture: materialism, undanceable club music, and regular stupidity pretending to be ironic stupidity. Her family also hosted Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie on an episode of The Simple Life, which is like finding out that Dane Cook was Hitler’s college roommate.
5) Angelina Jolie
Her face looks like one of those paintings of the Mexican kids with the really big eyes, if the Mexican kid moved to West Hollywood and hustled until he could get lip surgery. Her body is why your sister can’t stop throwing up. The pity she feels for normal people is so great that she has taken legal possession of several African children, and all of her movies have one of two plots: Angelina Jolie is a super assassin whom everyone agrees is hot, or Angelina Jolie wants an Oscar. Somehow Billy Bob Thornton managed to marry her, and then he divorced her, which is like seeing your dog growl at a cheeseburger. Don’t eat that cheeseburger.
