Well, the Comic-Con is over and we’re still no closer to learning all there is to know about the upcoming Skrull invasion. So we here at CraveOnline will keep on speculating about who we think is a dirty rotten Skrull. As weeks go by various characters seem to look either real ‘skrully’ or not very ‘skrully’ at all, here are ten characters (some you've already seen) that might be secretly green and evil, or not. Hit the CraveOnline message board and weigh in on this Marvel event.
Iron Man:
As we stated a few weeks ago, recent events have lead us to believe that he might not be a Skrull after all, even though he’s still our prime suspect until proven otherwise. But officially, we think he’s just a bit too obvious.
Baseless Prediction:
Tony has been manipulated by the evil Skrull invaders, and even if he’s technically innocent, it’s all still his stupid martini drinking fault. Once a putz, always a putz, and there’s no bigger putz in comics than Tony Stark despite how much we love him.
Jessica Drew:
Lately she’s looked more and more like a Skrull, but has started to display the same Iron Man type qualities: too involved to be involved. We’re pretty sure that she didn’t cause the plane to crash in that last issue of New Avenger’s. With all her loyalty issues, who the heck knows what she’s up to, or who she works for.
Baseless Prediction:
Remember that the only person that she’s shown real loyalty to is Nick Fury, and that despite being stabbed in the back, she still trusted Tony Stark. If you go all the way back to the beginning of New Avengers, Tony was leery of Maria Hill and S.H.I.E.L.D. from the beginning. This could all be a part of a Stark/Fury master plan to fight the Skrulls. Wouldn’t that be something.
Jessica Jones:
Didn’t Bendis create this broad? Ever since we saw her snap at Wong about not breast feeding, and then seeing those creepy yellow eye’s on that kid, somebody somewhere, at sometime had sex with a Skrull, that’s all we’re saying. Who knows how long Bendis has had this thing cooking, Jessica could have been a Skrull from jump.
Baseless Prediction:
The real problem with Jones being a Skrull is what would be the point, she doesn’t have access to anything important and so far doesn’t seem to have a lot of reach. Our best guess is that the baby is more important than anything. That the Purple Man is the real Skrull and he’s the one that infected her will Skrull genes which would explain the baby.
James Rhodes:
In case you haven’t noticed, there are three different Avengers titles going right now, and not one of them says, “West Coast” in the title. In the Avengers: Initiative book one of the biggest jerks in the story is our old friend ‘Rhodey’. I’ve been a War Machine fan for years, and never has he come across like such a fascist. The only way to explain such a role reversal is that whoever this guys is, he ain’t James Rhodes, he’s a dirty rotten Skrull invader.
Baseless Prediction:
Wolverine rips off The Gauntlets stupid ‘Robo Lobo’ arm and makes him divulge where the real Rhodey is. Logan finds out that the Skrulls have been purposefully targeting African American super heroes, cause no one would ever suspect the brotha’s. Black Panther, The Falcon and somehow even Black Lightning are all Skrulls. We smell a Marvel/DC Milestone crossover in the works.
Wolverine:
Marvel did a great thing with Logan and the whole ‘Origin’ thing at first. But, lately they’ve really started to beat the life of a cool idea. It was cool to give our favorite Canadian a back story, but watch it with all the lame Marvel, you’re getting it all over everything. With his ‘origin’ getting dumber and dumberer with each passing month all we can say at this point is, “Logan had better be a f**kin’ Skrull!”.
Baseless Prediction:
Wolverine has been a Skrull since 1909 and we’ve never actually seen the ‘real’ Logan (who’s real last name is Shwartz, go figure.) in a Marvel book. When the real McCoy hits the scene many long time X-Men villains die horrible deaths within weeks. After Logan kills the original X-Men in a danger room ‘accident’ he’s permanently booted from the team. After that, he teams with Spider-Man and The Punisher and together they kill every villain on earth.
Charles Xavier:
Why the heck not? For being such a great guy, Xavier has rained more misery on Mutant Kind than Boliver Trask on his best day. Who needs a major villain, when your kindly teacher will transform and try his best to kill you once every couple of years or so. If he isn’t figuring out how to kill his students (you know, just in case) he’s abandoning them to their fates while he get’s ‘space nooky’ from Lilandra, this guy is supposed to be like Picard, not Kirk! We would bet even money that this guy is a Skrull section chief.
Baseless Prediction:
Charles Xavier died fighting the Shadow King, and the Skrull’s sucked his essence out of the astral plane. He’s been an agent for the little green aliens ever since, and his primary job is to mess with the X-Men. He hates his assignment because every time he manages to kill Jean Grey or Colossus, some jerk brings them back to life. Plus, he’s always been able to walk, and when he’s all alone he moonwalks around his room singing along to Michael Jackson the number one singer in Skrull space.
Red Skull:
The sole villain to make our list this week, the Red Skull has been pretty busy ever since he got blown away in the pages of Captain America. It strikes us as strange that the Skull and the Kingpin look to be the only villains to really capitalize on the ‘Civil War’ event. The Red Skulls machinations have deeper implications for the Marvel U compared to that of Fisk’s however, which is why only he made the list.
Baseless Prediction:
Go out and read the first run of Ultimates, you’ll see that in that universe the Skrulls are much more sinister than their earth 616 counterparts, not only that, but they had been terrible pains in the arse since WWII. It isn’t a huge stretch to see that idea get retconned into mainstream Marvel. If that happens, then who would be the Skrull’s number one enforcer? The Skull! (Skrull, Skull get it?) What if Cap, Tony, and Fury always knew about the Skrulls? Diabolical.
Patriot:
That little punk didn’t have any powers, and then all of a sudden he’s a bad ass? We don’t think so. And where does he get off talking to Luke Cage like that? Cage was a pathetic Superman knock off long before anyone ever decided to make this guy a lame Bucky Barnes knock-off. CraveOnline can’t express enough how much we really didn’t need or want this character, so it only makes since that he would be a Skrull. Proof? We don’t need no stinkin’ proof!
Baseless Prediction:
After the entire invasion is over Patriot finally reveals himself as the last Skrull on earth, he’s then beaten half to death and beheaded by a newly ‘revived’ zombie Captain America. Steve Roger’s eats Patriots head and is returned to normal except that for three hours every night he turns into a black man, and picks up chicks with the Falcon.
Reed Richards:
Just like Stark, Richards is going to eventually have a lot of explaining to do. Tony will be able to say that he was duped by the Skrulls, but will Richards’ excuse be? Five get’s ya ten that Wolverine punches Reed in the face over this. The only saving grace is that Reed and Sue are currently on vacation trying to sort out their relationship, which doesn’t seem very Skrully, unless, Reed wants Sue out of the way when the invasion hits.
Baseless Prediction:
Reed Richards defeated friggin’ Galactus! He shouldn’t be worried about a few Skrulls, unless he is one! Ever since issue 2 of the Fantastic Four, every single Skrull has had a crush on the only earth girl worth a damn, Susan Storm-Richards. The Skrulls have a cable TV channel and three tabloids dedicated to her exploits. The Skrulls hope to use a Reed Richards’ clone to kidnap her once the invasion starts where she’ll star in a reality show titled: Arrgh! All my friends are dead! The show will broadcast simultaneously on Mojo-World.
Hawkeye:
Hawkeye has been gone a while, and his current exploits paint him as a directionless adventurer trying to get his life back. The perfect cover for a Skrull! Not having any real powers also makes him less threatening. Our hope is that he becomes Captain America soon and punches out the Punisher, but odds are that he’s a Skrull informant who is spying on the New Avengers.
Baseless Prediction:
As soon as the invasion begins, everyone suspects Hawkeye and tries to apprehend him. Spider-Man gives him worst beating despite his spider-sense never once going off around Clint Barton. Clint goes into hiding while the heroes of earth lose the Skrull invasion and are all lined up and killed. The Skrulls all have a huge laugh at how the heroes of earth all attacked Hawkeye when Aunt May and Jarvis were behind the whole thing. Barton collects Thor’s hammer, Cap’s shield, and the power gem and goes on a rampage that destroys the entire planet. He then goes on to conquer Mars. Thanks to Bendis, anything is possible at this point.
Our Skrull coverage will continue, also be on the lookout for our coverage of Annihilation: Conquest and how the heroes of earth will never see it coming when Star Lord show’s up and blows up the sun with the help of Rocket Raccoon. That ought teach those jerks about not caring about galactic genocide.
