Please read the following selections carefully, and pay close attention to the quotations around the word best. With so many heroes out there to be considered, we here at CraveOnline decided to pick the ones that stood out the most, or that might not be considered by your average comic fan. If you can think of a hero who should be on the list, feel free to let us know. For an added twist, try telling us why they shouldn't be on the list, that's where the real fun begins. Enjoy.
The Top 10 'Best' Super Heroes.
10. Humbug
Why: He’s the only ‘hero’ with the good sense to hang out with a bunch of chicks and a guy who looks eerily like Bruce’s long lost cousin Leroy, and spend most of his time fighting ninja’s and stuff. Oh, and he can like talk to bugs or some such. That skill has to be useful sometime next to never.
Why not: Hmmm. This is a hard one, he’s just so perfectly cool in every way imaginable. Yeah, Humbug is the coolest bug communicating hero since O.G. Ant Man, and you know how cool Ant Man is. Yeah… he’s that cool.
9. Ms. Marvel
Why: Thanks to Marvel’s brand of social promotion, she’s finally on the A-list. She’s a hard hitting high flier, who is totally on the wagon now.
Why not: Yeah right! She’ll save the world all right, right after she knocks back a few dozen shots with a beer chaser, and of course boinks lame ass Wonder Man. Wonder Man? Really? Way to scrape the bottom of the barrel for the Scarlet Witches sloppy seconds. The guys less of a man then an emotionless robot copy of himself!
8. Mr. Majestic
Why: He’s as strong as Superman, with a bit more of a kick ass back story, and no lame ass weakness to the alien equivalent of cubic zirconium.
Why not: Hmm… We know! He is after all, still a lame ass Superman knock off with a wheel chair bound lame ass Jimmy Olsen knock off for a side kick.
7. Invincible
Why: The kids new to the game, but he’s pretty cool so far. He’s tough and seems to already have his superhero pimp game well in order.
Why not: For someone named ‘Invincible’ you sure do get your ass kicked a lot. Not just kicked mind you, more like mangled. Starting with your (again) lame ass Superman knock off daddy, and then from that point you seem to get your ass handed to you every week just about. Maybe you should call yourself ‘Punching Bag’ or ‘Bleeder’ we don’t think anyone’s snatched up those gems.
6. Spider-Man
Why: The first real ‘teen hero’, we got to watch Spider-Man grow up as a character and that was pretty cool.
Why not: Did we have to watch him grow up to be such a whiny bitch? “Ohhhh, my aunt’s dead… again!” Oh please, can we get this girl a tissue? Man up Parker.
5. Adam Warlock
Why: All this guy does is save the universe. Anything else is simply beneath him, if a comet is about to hit the earth then tough titties, he’s got a universe to concern himself with. He’s got that whole cool emotional detachment thing going for him as well. Imagine Mr. Spock but strong enough to totally launch you into space.
Why not: Who the (bleep) dresses this guy? His blind disco hopping step mother? And that hair, he really did wait for the ‘feathered’ look to come back into style. And how come every time he turns ‘evil’ he grows a giant 70’s style afro? Is he tryin’ to say somethin’? Racist.
4. Spawn
Why: Well, it looks like he can throw down with both God and the Devil, so we’d say he’s pretty damn powerful. He once teleported inside a fat guy and then ripped out of his belly, just in case you needed, ya know, a mental picture before you ate or went to bed. Stop crying sissy.
Why not: Yeah, let’s use all that power to host an eternity long pity party in a dirty ass alley. That makes him the most powerful vagrant in the universe. What a waste.
3. Wonder Woman
Why: Super Strength, kick ass sword, bullet proof bracelets that bad guys feel irresistibly compelled to aim at.
Why not: Hey Wonder Woman! How often do you wander around like a blind person, feeling around for the invisible jet? Maybe you should invest in a Lojack system dumb ass! And a magic lasso? Ok, we’ll admit it, we were totally staring at your huge rack while you were holding up that collapsed wall trying to save us.
2. The Silver Surfer
Why: Let’s see… Indestructible? Check. Energy manipulation (we’re not sure what it is either, but damn it sounds cool)? Check. Can fire blasts of energy that can turn things into piles of goo? Check and check. Norrin is one of the raddest (sorry, inside joke) heroes around.
Why not: Dude, we are totally tired of seeing your junk, you big silver Ken doll. Get some board shorts or something. And what is it with that surf board any way? What, are you riding ‘space waves’ or something? Give it up, dork.
1. Superman
Why: He can push planets out of orbit, and yet open a door without tearing it right off the wall. He can spin like a top through the earth and out the other side, and screw Lois Lane without killing her. He can even catch a giant meteor with not so much as a catcher’s mitt, but can still drop a deuce without destroying the toilet seat or the bowl. Yeah… he’s dope.
Why not: What kind of idiot lacks the wherewithal to seek out and destroy all the kryptonite on earth from far away with his heat vision? And don’t get us started about probably the dumbest disguise in the universe, it’s hard to say who’s stupider, him for thinking of it, or his friends for falling for. And we also have to remind you that he was wack enough to get beaten to death by the Hulk’s ugly cousin… lame!
