Seriously? Fuck Marvel.
I have never borne witness to a more trivial and ridiculous play than the last issue of Battle Scars. Sure, we saw it coming, but not like this, not this obvious. Marvel, we get it, there’s a big Avengers movie coming out. We are all excited about seeing our heroes come to life. I’m also sure that there will be a bazillion dollars made in merchandising and licensing. The work of all the great artists and writers who made the Avengers so amazing will all be reduced to a happy meal. Did you have to screw with the Marvel Universe, too?
So, Battle Scars. The series that shows us that Nick Fury has a son. His name is Marcus Johnson, but it might as well have been Widdle Waddle Fiddle Faddle. Nick Fury’s son is on a vengeance kick after his mother was killed, but he might as well have been planning to burn down the DQ for not having enough Blizzards. The enemy he’s after is a long-standing one, a despicable gent named Orion, who might as well have been known as Skipper Von Pee-Pee Pants. Orion believes Nick Fury JR is dead so he uses psychic torture to find out something from Nick Fury SR. I think it’s a way to dismantle S.H.I.E.L.D., but it might as well have been Paula Deen’s bundt cake recipe.
Why do I say these things? Well, it’s because nothing that has happened in the last five issues of Battle Scars matters at all. In fact, nothing in this issue matters until you get to the last page. Nick Fury JR rescues Nick Fury SR and a big Avengers battle ensues. In the end, Orion dies, but not before he strips Nick Fury SR of the magical blood potion that has allowed him to stay alive so long. Let’s not forget that Orion cut out one of Nick Fury JR’s eyes. Now the son has the same eye patch as the father. Do you see where this is going? Huh, do ya?
Orion is dead. Nick Fury SR is aging like a normal person so he steps down from S.H.I.E.L.D. and turns it over to his son. In a wacky kooky nutty hoo-hoo turn of events, it turns out Nick Fury JR’s legal name is Nick Fury. So now a black Nick Fury with an eye patch runs S.H.I.E.L.D. and his best buddy, only referred to as Cheese through the story, is really Agent Phil Coulson! GET IT?! See what Marvel did here? Now the same type of Nick Fury runs S.H.I.E.L.D. in the Marvel Universe that does in the movie, even though the movie was based on the Nick Fury from the Ultimates comic series. One of the most endearing characters in the history of Marvel Comics has been pushed aside because his son fit the look. Why not just get Greg Brady as Johnny Bravo to run the fucking thing?
The best part of all of this, the cherry on the parfait, is that it took three writers to fuck this story up this badly. One of them is hack Matt Fraction, the other is Cullen Bunn who I don’t know that well but am so far unimpressed with. Finally, we have Chris Yost, from whom I expected more. The art is cool, but who cares? Battle Scars #6 might as well be empty pages with a pass to see the Avengers movie at the very end.
(0 Story, 4 Art)