With the news coming through today that Aussie model/actress/every-human-on-this-planet’s-#goals Ruby Rose has followed on from a crazily well-received role on Netflix’s Orange is the New Black by revealing she is in talks with the peeps behind the Fast and the Furious films to appear in an upcoming sequel of the cars and explosions based franchise, it’s safe to say our girl’s star is on the rise.
I mean, look, it’s great that the whole world is finally getting round to the sublime talent that is RR, whilst we’ve been frothing over her greatness for years, so as we know her a little bit better then the rest of you chumps, allow us to suggest some other movie franchises that she could, nay, SHOULD, get signed up to, pronto.
1. Marvel Cinematic Universe
Let’s start off with the obvious and the current big daddy of all franchises, the ever-growing superhero shit-fight that is the Marvel CU. To be honest, I’m getting a bit over Iron Man, Thor, the big green dude and those other ones so who better to freshen things up a bit than Ms Rose. Luckily for us last year’s Guardians of the Galaxy opened up the doors to the ridic amount of alien characters fucking shit up in the far reaches of space and one of those team members yet to appear on screen happens to be a certain bisexual, hot-as-hell badass called Moondragon. Uhhhhh, yes please.
2. Toy Story
You post-OITNB newbies probs don’t know this, but Ruby (like all of us, no judgement here bb) went through a bit of a punk phase at the tail end of the noughties and was known to rock some ~tasteful~ leather garb and die her hair every colour of (a very depressed) rainbow. There’s rumours of a Toy Story 4 swinging around soon in order to bring grown men like myself to tears in movie cinemas everywhere and who better to voice the sassy, straight-talking vegan emo-punk doll (that I just made up) named Veronica than Ruby? Maybe she can ironically fall in love with Buzz and introduce him to The Runaways.
Yeah, yeah, I know they just cast some skinny white dude as the next Spiderman, but that only means it’s approximately three years until the next reboot and with all the talk of a push to bring LGBTQ and strong female characters to the big franchises why not hit two birds with the one web-string and cast Ruby? I mean, she already cops a lot of comparisons to THE poster child for skinny white males everywhere in Justin Bieber, so how much of a stretch is seeing her play Peter Parker? EQUALITY NOW BITCHES!
4. James Bond
Do you remember the batshit crazy female villain from greatest 007 film of all time Goldenye, Xenia Onatopp? Of course you do, you’re not a culturally void monster. Anyway, picture her but, at least four times more badass. Starting off as your typical Bond Girl, seemingly at the whims of 007’s martini-fuelled charm, Leslie Bianess pulls a mad 180 halfway through the film and turns out to be the mastermind behind whatever satellite-related crime is going down. Cue epic fight between Bond and Leslie where she gets thrown of a silo or something BUT THEN after the credits it’s a close up of her supposed corpse and her sexy-as eyes open. BOOM! Someone in Hollywood hire me already…
5. Star Wars
Now admittedly I have very little interest in Star Wars and have fallen asleep during all however-many-of-them-there-are, so I hit up our web designer Toby for this one and in perfect agreeance with my stereotypical thought process he came up with this detailed character idea for the Rubster. Darth Zannah is apparently some crazy evil Sith Lord from the plant Somov Rit who started as a Jedi before converting to the dark side under some dude called Darth Bane before killing him with her magic powers (the ‘force’ supposedly). Although all of that makes about as much sense to me as the babbles of an ice-addict, it sounds legit. Darth Zannah FTW.
The seventy-fourth X-Men movie Even More X-Men is out soon I think, so they’re probably casting for the seventy-fifth as we speak and one of my favourite characters from the ’90s cartoon version of X-Men is yet to appear in the films, that of bubble-gum-popping, pink orb throwing, pixie-dream-girl Jubilee. Besides baring an uncanny (X-MEN!) resemblance to the mutant, as we’ve seen in Orange is the New Black, Ruby has the sass and ‘tude to bring to life her petulant quips. Also Wikipedia informs me that in the comics at some point she gets turned into a vampire, so that’s pretty cool.
There you go Hollywood, six perfect roles for Australia’s current favourite leading lady export. Whatever you do next, however Ruby, know that we’ll be there front row, every time. (Metaphorically speaking, we’ll most likely be in front of our laptops). xo