Can We Power a New World with the Male Orgasm?

Could the energy in a male orgasm power the future and solve the hyped up crisis of climate change? No, probably not. But, let's do the math anyway.

John Scott Lewinskiby John Scott Lewinski

Scientists are worried. Whether due to overpopulation or climate change, our planet faces constant energy shortages. While researches looking for new sources of renewable power test everything from solar batteries and wind turbines to natural gas and planetary momentum, could a shift to thinking below the waste actually mean help is “coming?”

There is undeniable oomph in the male orgasm. That explosive release is what keeps men thinking about sex — and thinking about sex keeps our species alive. But, could there be enough spark in a man’s spunk to provide a reliable (if unorthodox) energy source?

To find out, we ejaculated all of the right questions to experts not otherwise engaged in actual science. Let’s find the answer together with both hands.

Related: Ghosting: A Dating Man’s Latest, Lamest Enemy

1) What is an orgasm, really?

Put simply, a man’s orgasm is a combination of neural processes in the pleasure centers of the brain cooperating with the rhythmic contraction of small muscles in and around the penis to project ejaculate into a woman’s reproductive organs.

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2) What kind of energy is there in an orgasm?

It depends on how you look at it. In the Western World, we think in terms of volts, amps and degrees. If we were all camped out in India or Tibet, we’d be talking about Kundalini or Shakti energy.

According to Therese Bailey, a veteran yogini and aerial yoga instructor, Eastern philosophy says we have both five energy bodies and seven Chakras or energy centers along our spine.

“The Five Koshas are our physical body, our energy body, our emotional body, our wisdom body and our bliss body,” Bailey saids. “The energy of those generally corresponds with the Hierarchy of need — the physiological, safety, love and belonging, self-esteem and self awareness. Our sexuality plays a part in that.”

Meanwhile, Bailey tells us amongst the seven energy Chakras, the two lowest on the spine (the Swadishtana and the Mooladhara) are most closely aligned with our primal sexual behavior. Tantric sex practices tap into that energy to improve performance, including the length and intensity of the orgasms we’re trying to harness here.

So, there’s plenty of energy at play in our sexual activity in Eastern thought. The problem is we can’t light a bulb or power our phones off of Koshas or Mooladhara – at least, not yet. We’re still looking for more hard science and unforgiving physics.

2) How much raw force is there in a man’s orgasm?

Answering such a question is an inaccurate proposition at best. You should get used to that idea because every man is different. No two penises or prostates are the same. Just as there are bigger and smaller guys in the weight room, some of us have stronger muscles around our penises. So, we end up working with averages.

According to Dr. Brian Steixner, Urologist to some of the busiest wieners in America (Remember…You can’t spell Steixner without “S-E-X”…), the average raw speed of an ejaculation is about 25 to 30 mph — with about a tablespoon of semen serving as the liquid projectile.

“A complete process of muscles and neurological functions combine to propel the ejaculate an average of about five to seven inches,” Steixner says. “That’s all that evolution requires, considering the depth of the average vagina.”

Obviously, when you consider everything from inertia to wind resistance, the longer semen would have to travel, the slower it would move. So, “wham and bam” is essential to getting sperm to a thankful ma’am, but nature only provides as much force as is necessary.

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3) How long does the male orgasm last?

While it’s not unreasonable to expect you already know the answer to this, a man’s climax rumbles for about five to 15 seconds. A woman can ride the wave for more than a minute, but a guy builds to a quick eruption to fire his mix of sperm and nutrient fluid toward the cervical promised land.

4) How many calories does a man burn with an orgasm?

Steixner reports that coming only gets about 10 to 15 calories going (about a calorie per second). The entire sex act, regardless of the amount of foreplay or position(s) used would burn a great deal more. But, we’re not examining how much energy there is in sex. We’re locked in on popping off, and that moment doesn’t last long enough to burn off even a bite of that donut you had for breakfast.

5) Considering the amount calories burned, how many watts are produced in an orgasm?

We’re dealing primarily with heat energy here with calories. We literally burn calories off for biological, metabolic processes, and burning produces heat. Fortunately, you can convert the heat and energy in a calorie into a number of electrical watts (or joules per second).

According to Steixner, the standard physics equation says one calorie equals approximately 4 watts. So, if we give our tackle the benefit of the doubt and claim a 15 second, 15 calorie eruption, we end up with a total watts produced of about 60.

6) What can you power with 120 watts?

Let’s say we could somehow store those 60 sweaty, sticky watts in a battery. There are 60 watt bulbs in the world, and we could keep one burning with love.

But, what if we could get a couple thoroughbreds going at once and double those watts to 120. We end up with sort of a magic number in the wattage department because you’ll find 120 as a standard rating on solar panels, light bulbs and batteries. Amazing enough, the standard U.S. household wiring design has two 120 volt active wires and a neutral ground wire.

So, we could power just about everything with those 120 orgasmic watts — as long as we had a constant flow of orgasm charged battery life.

There’s the hitch in our plan. We’d need a constant, doubled stream of 15 second, 15 calorie orgasms to maintain our 120 watt charges flowing. While that sounds like a great gig and many of you might volunteer, it’s safe to say hordes of paired off, constantly humping guys rigged up to fictitious batteries doesn’t quite match the efficiency of the modern electrical plant.

Still, it’s good to know the option is there if things get really bleak.