These Conspiracy Theories Make Too Much Sense to Be Kept Under Wraps
Conspiracy theories are typically best left to the logically impaired, i.e. those sitting in their garages wearing their tinfoil hats and bleating about governmental weather manipulation, or those with White House press passes. However, there are some that strike a chord with even the most sensible among us, causing us to question our own grip on the facts and face the possibility that the wool has been pulled over our collective eyes.
A recent Reddit post saw the site’s users listing these conspiracy theories, opening up several cans of worms that ranged from murder cover-ups through to subliminal advertising in sneaker stores. We’ve compiled the best, most realistic theories below:
Dr. David Kelly’s “suicide”
Dr. David Kelly died in 2003 in an apparent suicide, after it was revealed that he was the man behind a BBC report on the Iraq war, which had accused Tony Blair and the UK government of “sexing up” the weapons capability of Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The report escalated suspicions that Iraq did not have access to weapons of mass destruction, severely undermining the UK’s decision to join the US in its war.
Shortly following Kelly being outed as a contributor to the report, the 59-year-old was found dead in a woodland a few miles from his home. His death was ruled as a suicide, though Tony Blair ordered an urgent investigation into the circumstances surrounding it. Eventually an inquest was carried out, revealing that he had killed himself by way of multiple incisions on his wrist with a blunt garden knife, though the details were initially kept under wraps in order to not distress the Kelly family. Prior to his death the doctor had expressed concern to his friends and loved ones that he would be “found dead in a forest” as a result of his involvement with the report, saying that there were “dark actors playing games” in his life.
After mounting suspicions regarding Kelly’s death, the government eventually released more information in 2010, noting how his “clinically silent coronary artery disease” resulted in him experiencing swifter blood loss, and that his “loss of self-esteem” as a result of the report had played a major part in his suicide. A number of doctors have refuted this assessment, but Dr. David Kelly’s official cause of death remains a suicide, with question marks surrounding his demise to this day.
Michael Jordan’s NBA suspension
Michael Jordan shocked the world in 1993 when he abruptly announced his retirement from basketball, mere months after the Bulls won their third NBA championship and he was at the peak of his career. Though Jordan would later cite the traumatic death of his father as the reasoning behind his departure from pro basketball, his sudden desire to pursue minor league baseball despite a clear lack of talent in the sport raised many questions, with some believing gambling problems were the cause of his temporary exit.
Jordan was caught gambling the night before a game against the New York Knicks in Atlantic City, putting a dent in his otherwise squeaky clean reputation. He was later called to testify in the trial of convicted drug dealer James Bouler, with him having signed a $57,00 check over to Bouler that was found to be the rest of gambling losses. Author Richard Esquinas also claimed that Jordan had lost $1.25 million to him on a game of golf.
It is therefore speculated that Jordan’s departure from basketball was as a result of these gambling issues, with him rumored to have faced a suspension from the NBA that was kept quiet in order to ensure that he could return to the sport without much controversy. The NBA launched an investigation in order to determine whether or not he had broken any league rules, finding that he had not done so, though many believe that he was ordered to take a break from the sport in order to save both himself and the NBA the embarrassment. He used that time to pursue a fruitless baseball career, before returning to basketball in 1995.
The Manchester canal killer
Many believe that the “canal pusher” is an unidentified serial killer stalking the canals of Manchester in the UK. With over 80 bodies having been found in the canals over the course of the past six years, and with most of those bodies belonging to young men, there’s a theory that these deaths are not the result of revelers drunkenly stumbling into the water, but due to an unnamed killer who continues to stalk the canals to this day.
While it is very possible that these deaths are the result of these young men drinking too much, many Manchester citizens believe that the number of deaths is too high for it to not be suspicious. Police have previously launched an investigation into the matter, but have made no arrests, with the death toll continuing to rise along the Greater Manchester canals.
“Hiddleswift” was faked for press coverage
It has been quite a while now since the doors closed on “Hiddleswift,” the odd romance shared between Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift, which was mainly notable for leading to a truly incredible photo of Ryan Reynolds looking like “a man whose soul was visibly exciting this Earth” (his words, not ours).
The ostentatious nature of the relationship is what caused many to grow suspicious; whereas most A-list celebrity couples choose to remain private, Hiddleston wore a vest to the beach reading “I <3 T.S.” The prevailing theory among celebrity conspirators is that Hiddleston was set to play the role of a the love interest in an upcoming Taylor Swift concept album, though this album was eventually canned as a result of the feud with fellow power couple Kanye West / Kim Kardashian. This meant that the publicity stunts seemingly staged by Hiddleston and Swift during their romance were in fact in promotion of this album, but after it was scrapped the pair allegedly decided to go ahead and pretend that the relationship was real in order to save face. Hiddleston has denied these claims, though some Hiddleswift truthers remain out there.
There’s no way of proving this is true or false without going ahead and working in a Skechers ourselves, so we’re going to go ahead and file this one under “probable but unconfirmed.” However, if you work in Skechers and have noticed your store playing ‘These Boots Are Made For Walkin” every now and again, then feel free to let us know in the comments.
Britain takes the blame
Former president Barack Obama repeatedly referred to BP as “British Petroleum” following the devastating Deepwater Horizon oil spill, despite the company having changed its name to BP in 1998. It was suggested that the US government decided to do so in order to slyly shift the blame on Britain, with the US media also following this narrative and creating a rift between the transatlantic allies as a result.
This one isn’t so much a conspiracy as it is something that actually happened, at least as far as the UK government is concerned. UK Business Secretary Vince Cable eventually sent out a complaint to the US, saying: “It’s clear that some of the rhetoric in the US is extreme and unhelpful.” Conservative MP Andrew Rosindell added: “It is not the British government or the British people who are to blame. It’s a multinational company and it is up to them to fix this.”
Still, it seems that the US government’s plan worked, with many continuing to believe to this day that Britain was solely responsible for the disaster.
A pants conspiracy
For those who have always wondered exactly why women’s pants have such small pockets, this is as good a reason as any. In many cases, these pants don’t even have usable pockets, with designers overlooking functionality in favor of fashion. This has become an even bigger problem thanks to the increasing size of smartphones — whereas men can happily carry around an iPhone 7 Plus in their jeans or trousers, women aren’t afforded the same luxury, with a Business Insider article published around the time of the iPhone 6 Plus’s launch detailing complaints made by women regarding its lack of “pocketability.”
Though there’s not much evidence to suggest that the pants and purse industry are colluding in order to ensure women are forever enslaved in pants with ridiculously small pockets, this one does make sense when you consider how beneficial this would be to the fashion industry. Or, y’know, it could just be a result of designers not caring about whether or not women can fit their iPhones into their pockets.