A new pamphlet administered by the Russian police suggests that its citizens are bumbling idiots, who would be too preoccupied with taking a selfie on a train track to notice said train hurtling towards them.
The police have launched a “Safe Selfie” guide after over one hundred of its citizens were injured in a selfie-related incident, while dozens more died whilst attempting to take a high-risk self-portrait photograph. As reported by the AFP, via The Verge, the new leaflet contains images of a series of potential life-endangering incidents that could occur as a result of taking a selfie, and aside from it being almost incomprehensible that this is real (which it absolutely is, by the way – here it is on the official website for Russia’s Ministry of Internal Affairs), it also leads us to question just what the flying fuck is going on in Russia.
Seriously, take a look at some of these warnings (and our guesses as to what ludicrous selfie scenarios they are depicting):
Don’t take a selfie in front of oncoming traffic, whilst standing confidently with your legs shoulder-width apart.
Don’t take a selfie whilst holding a small firearm.
Don’t take a selfie whilst falling down the stairs.
Don’t take a selfie whilst falling down a slope accompanied by balls of varying sizes.
Don’t take a selfie whilst standing on the edge of someone’s roof, clinging on to their aerial.
Don’t take a selfie whilst jumping directly in front of an oncoming train.
Don’t take a selfie whilst leaning precariously out of the back of a speedboat.
If you were skeptical that these warnings needed to be issued, then you should take into account that a woman in Moscow accidentally shot herself in the head while taking a selfie whilst holding a selfie back in May, and that two men blew themselves up in the Urals whilst taking a selfie holding a hand grenade with the pin pulled out.
Sure, these warnings may seem ridiculous, but maybe the Russian police are onto something here and the country’s youth will stop killing themselves trying to take elaborate selfies. “A cool selfie could cost you your life,” the leaflet reads, and while we wouldn’t particularly brand a selfie taken whilst falling backwards down a set of stairs “cool,” we’re inclined to agree with the police here. Put your iPhones down, Russians.