The holidays are behind us. The gifts are opened. You’ve given. You’ve received. You embraced the spirit of generosity, peace on Earth, goodwill toward men.
Now, it’s time to get back to normal. Think about yourself. Knock down the other guy. And, get offended that I violated somebody’s safe space and didn’t write “…goodwill toward men, women, trans-peoples, small animals, twigs, bits of string, etc.”
In short, it’s time for the ugliness to return and for everyone to behave like jackasses once again — unless you received that one all all-powerful key to extending the good cheer and glad tidings: The gift card.
The gift card is magic. It is a shape shifter with ability to transform into anything for sale (within the budget poetry locked into its magnetic strip). It can time travel and become something else entirely in the future. It is a present with a lifespan counted in potential.
The good people at Lowe’s wanted to help me demonstrate the potential power of after holiday’s mojo. They threw open their doors and pointed the way to a varied menagerie of bigger ticket items — all in the service of aiding me as I demonstrate the grace of the gift card.
In the gallery below, you’ll see this assembled collection of items that not only prove the supremacy of a gift that buys you something you want, but gear that promises to improve the life of any man who cashes in the precious life of his gift cards.