Why Are Hitman Movies So Bad?

Sorry, 47.

CraveOnlineby CraveOnline
Photo: 20th Century Fox

Movie adaptations of famous video games simply don’t work and that’s a fact. Of course, it won’t stop Hollywood producers from constantly trying to make them and constantly disappointing millions of gamers around the world. We all remember the hype for the Prince of Persia that failed miserably despite having the talented Jake Gyllenhaal in the lead role. Pretty much the same can be said for the latest Assassin’s Creed that seems to follow the disastrous¬†recipe to the letter. We could also just mention the horrible Tomb Raider films, Resident Evil, Max Payne, Silent Hill and, last but certainly not least horrible, Hitman movies. How come that they’re all so bad.

The Hitman Franchise

Let’s talk about the games first. The Hitman series is one of the best-known video game franchise in the gaming world. Every¬†true gamer will tell you that the first four Hitman games are the greatest, while the rest of them are just somewhat successful attempts of reviving the franchise. The writer of the first two classic games is the brilliant Morten Iversen who also worked as a consultant for the next two in the series. The fifth game, Absolution, came some time later and felt a bit artificial. They were trying too hard to capture that old sensation the first games had. In 2016, under new management, IO Interactive rebooted the series in an episodic form that was financially better for their owners but enraged a number of fans. Nowadays, IO Interactive managed to become independent so we have yet to see what they have in store for us.

Why We Love Hitman Games

The first and possibly the strongest point about any Hitman game is the gameplay. You play as a highly skilled, highly capable professional killer for hire who takes out his targets in a number of creative ways. The whole concept relied on subtlety. Yes, you could enter a room with guns blazing and slaughter pretty much anyone you see, including your target. However, for most dedicated gamers out there, it’s unthinkable. Instead, you have to find the right way to infiltrate the location, disguise yourself, eliminate the right person and leave without leaving a trace. Whether you prefer the hands-on approach or like to distance yourself and use a high-quality sniper instead is up to you. Another part is, of course, the story. Agent 47 is actually just one of many professional hitman clones created to be the ultimate execution machines. Throughout the games, he learns more and more about his past. The third game brilliantly recounts some old missions from a different perspective as 47 struggles to get well, while the fourth game has the most epic ending that any video game can ask for.

Why We Hate Hitman Movies

In 2007, right after the last great Hitman game, a movie was released starring the charismatic Tymothy Olyphant. Of course, the casting of a good actor could not salvage an extremely poorly written film that possibly buried the Hitman franchise for a couple of years. Instead of coming off of the Blood Money’s high ending, the film was a disaster thanks to the extremely confusing and illogical plot, bad acting (and not just from Agent 47 who is really supposed to be an emotionless murdering machine) and absolutely horrendous dialogue. Fortunately, they decided not to make a sequel and the idea died out until 2015 when someone decided to give it one more go. Although the first film was a torture to watch, the 2015 reboot managed to be even worse. Obviously, the director and the writer of the film had never played the game and failed to capture any of its essences. The eponymous hitman in the movie is something of a superhero, who prefers slaughtering everyone in the most obnoxious of Hollywood ways to get to his target. The explosions, high-speed chases, and simply impossible situations distanced the film from the games for all times. Chances are we won’t be seeing a new Hitman movie anytime soon.

Did you maybe like the Hitman movies? Tell us why in the comment section so we can tell you why you’re wrong.