Vin Diesel IS ‘The Machine!’

The Fast Five star is set to play a killing machine with a heart of gold. Or possibly cadmium.

William Bibbianiby William Bibbiani

Professional tough bald guy Vin Diesel has a new role: a tough bald guy who's also apparently a robot. Diesel has signed on to The Machine, in which he plays a humanoid superweapon that was created by the Pentagon, abandoned for 20 years, and then unearthed by a little kid. He then murders the kid, sleeps with Asia Argento and joins a Talking Heads cover band. Oh wait, that's my "To Do" list. Nevermind. Vin Diesel befriends the kid and ends up having to protect his newfound family. Deadline had the story.

If that sounds familiar to you then you've probably seen Terminator 2, or Short Circuit, or How to Train Your Dragon, or any other movie in which a weapon of mass destruction is tamed. But the script is also by Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant, creators of The State and Reno 911, so The Machine could have an acerbic edge to it. Or it could turn out like their scripts for The Pacifier or Night at the Museum: decent but 'meh.' Actually, it's hard to nail down the tone of the film, which could be a satirical, straightforward, heartwarming or dark for all we know.

Wow. News, huh?

The Machine is the first new film announced from MGM after their recent financial collapse. If it does well, maybe we'll finally be able to mention the production company without talking about that.

Crave Online will return with more Machine news as soon as they announce the inevitable cameo by Florence Welch.