The MTV Movie Awards aired last night, and boy, was it a doozy. There were all these things, and I think Robert Pattinson ate a dragon at some point, and… Okay, I didn't watch it. I'm sure it was just lovely. And I'm sure none of the contenders spent hours of their spare time using their iPhones to vote repeatedly for themselves. None.
Oh what, like you wouldn't even consider it?
The complete list of winners – mostly Twilight – are below. We'd like to congratulate the makers of Twilight Saga: Eclipse for having the most obsessive built-in fanbase. Aw, we're just playing Twilight… You know we love you.
BEST MOVIE: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
BEST MALE PERFORMANCE: Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
BEST FEMALE PERFORMANCE: Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
BEST FIGHT: Robert Pattinson vs. Bryce Dallas Howard, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
BEST KISS: Robert Pattinson vs. Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
BEST BREAKOUT STAR: Chloe Grace Moretz, Kick-Ass
BEST COMEDIC PERFORMANCE: Emma Stone, Easy A
BEST VILLAIN: Tom Felton, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One
BEST LINE FROM A MOVIE: "I want to get chocolate wasted," from Grown Ups
BEST JAWDROPPING MOMENT: The 'Performance Spectacular' from Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
BEST SCARED-AS-S**T PERFORMANCE: Ellen Page, Inception
BIGGEST BADASS STAR: Chloe Grace Moretz, Kick-Ass