If you're the kind of masochist who enjoys watching those exponentially wealthier than you put their hands in each others pants for three hours, then you probably loved last night's Golden Globes. If, however, you came to the conclusion that even funny hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler wouldn't have been able to prevent the Globes from reinforcing your misanthropy, then you probably gave it a miss but are now disheartened at the amount of articles popping up about pretty dresses, tailored suits and nip-slips in its wake.
For those who don't relish watching the self-satisfied and disproportionately successful bask in each others' golden glow, then the best part of awards ceremonies has always been watching the kind of awkward moments that only live television can produce, such as Adele's acceptance speech last night wherein she told those assembled that her and her friend had spent the evening laughing at them.
Here are the top 5 moments (in no particular order) in award ceremonies where the winners should've all exited stage left before they started talking.
Mariah Carey, GET OFF THE STAGE!
Having won the award for Breakthrough Actress for her role in Precious at the 2010 Palm Springs International Film Festival, Mariah Carey was so slammed that she required audience participation in order to successfully ramble through her speech.
Christine Lahti, GET ON THE STAGE!
Christine Lahti essentially lived out everyone's worst nightmare when she couldn't accept her Golden Globe because she was taking a dump. Fortunately, Robin Williams was on hand to do… something… to cover for her.
Ryan Jarman, GET OFF THAT TABLE!
Kanye West, GET OFF THE STAGE!
Having not watched this live, I have yet to find out – did Taylor ever finish?
Bruce Willis, GET OFF THE STAGE!
Bruce Willis holds the record for the quickest we've wanted someone at an award ceremony to stop talking, after trying to outwit host and comedian Ricky Gervais and stumbling over his words. John McCLane disarmed by David Brent? Only in Hollywood…