The first trailer for the Assassin’s Creed movie has been released, offering us our first look at the upcoming video game adaptation. While films based upon video games have tended to only veer between “awful” and “marginally watchable,” the enlisting of A-grade talent such as Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard has significantly raised the hopes of fans of the series.
However, if the Assassin’s Creed movie is to surpass our expectations of what a film adaptation of a game can achieve, then it will definitely avoid a number of the traits the Assassin’s Creed game series has become known for. Here are 8 things you won’t see in the Assassin’s Creed movie that were in the games:
1. Michael Fassbender collecting feathers.
Having appeared in three Assassin’s Creed games, collectible feathers are unlikely to make their way into the Assassin’s Creed movie for obvious reasons. We can’t imagine a pivotal plot point being spoiled by Michael Fassbender wandering off screen in order to pick up bird detritus from a window ledge, before stuffing it into his pocket and returning to the scene as though nothing has happened. Because that would be weird.
2. Fassbender climbing atop really tall buildings in order to jump off them.
Michael Fassbender is unlikely to while away a few hours in the film’s second act by finding the tallest buildings in the city, climbing atop them before leaping into hay bales helpfully positioned to cushion his fall. While it’s imaginable that he’ll leap into one hay bale during the course of the movie – maybe even two – it would be somewhat tiresome for viewers if a significant portion of his time was spent jumping from the top of cathedrals and other assorted sizable structures for no discernible reason.
3. Fassbender turning into a pirate towards the end after viewers get a bit bored.
If the Assassin’s Creed movie begins to falter before its final act, it’s unlikely that it will follow the same trajectory as the game series by suddenly making Fassbender a pirate, giving him a big ship and desperately hoping that people become invested in it again.
4. Marion Cotillard remaining motionless as it’s difficult to animate her.
When players questioned the lack of a female heroine in Assassin’s Creed Unity, an odd omission considering the game’s introduction of player-created protagonists, Ubisoft responded by saying that women were difficult to animate and it would have been too expensive to include them as an option. While that was an odd choice of reasoning behind their decision, this is unlikely to negatively impact upon Marion Cotillard’s role in the film, given that she’s a real-life woman and is therefore naturally fully animated.
5. Fassbender’s face suddenly disappearing midway through a conversation.
While Assassin’s Creed Unity introduced us to faceless, Eldritch horrors such as the one pictured above, we probably won’t get to see them make an appearance in the Assassin’s Creed movie. This is a crying shame, because I think we all want to see a boring Animus conversation between Marion Cotillard and Michael Fassbender interrupted by Fassbender suddenly turning into a jumbled mess of eyes, teeth and hair, while Cotillard is forced to continue her dialogue without mentioning that 75% of her co-star’s face has spontaneously vanished.
6. Fassbender awkwardly attacking the air mid-combat.
Fassbender’s combat training for the Assassin’s Creed movie will likely see the actor engaging in far more compelling sword fights than your average video game player. He probably won’t lunge aimlessly into thin air as a result of not being able to determine the position of his assailants, nor will he grow frustrated at enemies refusing to engage him, as they choose to aimlessly walk backwards while blocking instead of engaging with him. It’s also unlikely that he’ll turn towards the camera halfway through and mutter: “Fuck me, I wish I was playing Arkham City.”
7. People pretending to give a shit about the Animus.
The main point of contention most people have with die-hard fans of the Assassin’s Creed games is that they all pretend to give a shit about the futuristic elements of the series, which largely revolve around the Animus. While plenty of people wish that Ubisoft would do away with its virtual reality story arcs altogether, the developer remains keen on stuffing it into each new release in the series, unwilling to simply allow players to play through an action/adventure game set within an historical setting without having them take control of a boring sod sullenly wandering around Abstergo Industries. Movie-goers unaware of the fervent protestations in favor of the Animus will probably give much less of a shit about it.
8. Fassbender spending 50 percent of the movie mindlessly following NPCs.
The most overly used trope in the Assassin’s Creed series, outside of leaping in and out of hay bales, is impatiently following NPCs. Tailing a walking plot device has been a staple of the series since its inception, and while Ubisoft use it to pad out each release in order for people overly concerned with the length of games to feel as though they’re getting their money’s worth, it’s unlikely that it will be replicated in the Assassin’s Creed movie. While it would be true to the series if each of the movie’s high-octane action sequences were punctuated by Fassbender creepily following some dude like a hooded pervert, it probably wouldn’t make for an enjoyable film.