This Superhero Diary was brought to you by the Battle for the Cowl mini-series, by Tony Daniel.  Admittedly, we had much higher hopes for this series, which didn't really go anywhere, but at the very least it was entertaining.

Author: Dick “Calling me ‘The Man Wonder’ doesn’t have the same ring” Grayson

Mood: Kind of like there are butterflies in my stomach. Except they’re bats. 

Listening to: Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na / Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na / BATMAN!

Hi there, readers.  Today is a weird day for me, and I need to talk about that a bit, because from now on, there’s going to be a different signature at the bottom of my posts.  You see, I’m Batman now.  The next time Gotham City is in trouble, it will look like a job for me.  The Bat-signal is now the Me-signal.  You get the idea.

Most of you know Batman died a couple months ago.  I didn’t actually think I would ever replace him, though everyone else seems to have assumed so. If I show up somewhere dressed as Nightwing now, people make this face.  It’s like my outfit doesn’t match – as if the Nightwing “look” went out five years ago.  It’s like I’m wearing cargo pants.

Did no one realize that this might be a difficult transition for me? Batman wasn’t just my boss, he was practically my dad.  When your dad dies, you mourn him for a while, give away his things and move on with life, but when your boss dies, you mourn for just as long as it takes to not look like a dick, and then you fight for his job.  Combine those analogies and it’s like a bunch of brothers fighting over who gets to sleep in Mom’s bed.  If that weren’t uncomfortable enough, we don’t even have a mother figure around the Batcave; we have Alfred.  So yeah: I’ve been going through some emotional stuff lately.

The whole reason I became Nightwing was so I could be free to be my own hero.  If I wanted to have powder blue piping down the side of my costume and long hair, I could, without having to worry about how my metrosexuality might affect the “brand equity.”

That’s one thing you probably didn’t know about Batman.  The guy was fanatic about his Bat brand.  (You would think it would be obvious, the way everything in this cave is named Bat-something.  Normal men don’t have “3-hole Bat-punches.”) When I was Robin, he used to tell me that broken bones were a “core function” of my role as a “brand ambassador,” and when I’d punch a criminal into unconsciousness he would cheer, “Be the brand! Be the brand!” 

I always used to think that Bruce’s brand obsession was just one of his quirks, but I’m stating to see the logic.  Remember how pissed people got when Pepsi changed their logo?  Or “New Coke”? I ask, because in the months that Batman has been gone, Gotham City has been going New Coke-nuts. 

I’ve spent the last several weeks dealing with a gang war (or as Batman used to call them, “focus groups”) during which I learned that only 14% of Gotham criminals recognize the name “Nightwing” (vs. 100% name recognition for “Batman.”)  Even after inflicting two or more injuries, less than 3% of respondents fear the name “Nightwing”, and 7% responded that it “sounds kinda gay.” 

While I was in the middle of all that, a Batman imposter showed up.  I’m pretty sure the Bat-knockoff is Jason Todd, the second Robin, who everyone thought died back in the 80’s but seems to be back.  (If I am New Coke, I suppose that would make Jason Tab.)