Welcome back to Crave's monthly movie guide. April's the lull before May's big storm (Transformers, Terminator, etc), but it's still a solid month for the silver screen. As usual, we've got you covered on the bits & pieces for movie releases this month.
Observe And Report
Release Date: April 10
Director: Jody Hill
Starring: Seth Rogen, Anna Faris, Michael Pena, Ray Liotta
Rating: R
Forest Ridge Mall's head of security Ronnie Barnhardt (Seth Rogen) patrols those polished halls with a deadly serious demeanor. He picks on skateboarders, beats down shoplifters and sets unruly shoppers straight, but what he really wants to do is be a cop.
When the mall is struck by a flasher, Ronnie seizes the opportunity to showcase his God-given law enforcement talents, hoping that by solving the crime he'll earn a coveted spot at the police academy, as well as the heart of his elusive dream girl Brandi (Anna Faris). His ambition ignites a turf war with the equally competitive Detective Harrison (Ray Liotta) of the Conway Police, and catching the flasher becomes a race for glory.
CraveOnline's Call: I've known one or two guys who fit this character model exactly, and I can't stop laughing whenever I see the trailer - but it's still weird as hell to look at Seth Rogen. He's about a third the size he was two years ago. The Superbad crew is shining bright these days, and things are just getting started for Rogen and Co. You can't stop it. You can't fight it. Just pull out your wallets and roll with it.
Hannah Montana: The Movie
Release Date: April 10
Director: Peter Chelsom
Starring: Miley Cyrus, Emily Osment, Jason Earles
Rating: G
It's all fire and brimstone, baby! The sweet sound of soullessness will hit the big screen once again when the girl that brought the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour to theaters back in 2008 returns with another beaver-toothed blockbuster!
The story revolves around Miley and her attempts to deal with the massive newfound celebrity she is experiencing. Although the G rating prevents the filmmakers from following Miley's actual life ( Miss Sweet 16's got herself a 21 year-old boyfriend, y'all! Statch!), they manage to spin some father/daughter life-lesson story, which may or may not have been inspired by her pedophyllic Vanity Fair photo shoot. But I digress.
CraveOnline's Call: Come on. I'm having a stroke trying not to take all the cheap shots just sitting...waiting...
Dragonball Evolution
Release Date: April 10
Director: James Wong
Starring: Justin Chatwin, James Marsters, Jamie Chung, Emmy Rossum, Chow Yun-Fat
Rating: PG
The story centers on Goku (Justin Chatwin - Tom "New Jesus" Cruise's son in War of the Worlds), a boy from an alien planet who learns that he was sent to planet Earth in order to destroy it. Rather than get his domination on, he decides to help defend the planet from Lord Piccolo (James Marsters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer), who's hell-bent on destroying the universe.
The Dragon Ball anime franchise was created in 1984, spawning over a dozen feature animated Dragon Ball films, several television shows, numerous games, playing cards, other collectibles and video games, among other items an pimpables. There was a live-action Chinese-language adaptation released in 1989, but it was unofficial. These are things you need to know. If you're still a virgin.
CraveOnline's Call: This is a hot batch of nerd and although the story looks kinda badass on paper, I can't get down with this.
State of Play
Release Date: April 17
Director: Kevin MacDonald
Starring: Russell Crowe, Ben Affleck, Rachel McAdams, Jason Bateman
Rating: PG-13
Russell Crowe leads an all-star cast in this high-octane thriller about an up-and-coming congressman and an investigative journalist entangled in a case of seemingly unrelated, brutal murders. Crowe plays D.C. reporter Cal McAffrey, who untangles a mystery of murder, hinting at a larger conspiracy among some of the nation’s most prominent political and corporate figures.
CraveOnline's Call: Russell Crowe rocks the latter-day Vedder look well, and he's been on a winning streak lately - which will only continue with the upcoming Robin Hood remake he's in. Ben Affleck looks like a sniveling rat bastard politician, and I'm all for hating the guy on film. Not to disrespect the guy, he's a good actor, but he's got a face you just want to hate.
Crank: High Voltage
Release Date: April 17
Director: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor
Starring: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Corey Haim, That's right I said Corey Haim
Rating: R as hell, for "frenetic strong bloody violence throughout, crude and graphic sexual content, nudity and pervasive language."
In this Tarantino wet dream on paper, hitman Chev Chelios (Statham) returns, blasting off on an electrifying chase through Los Angeles in pursuit of the Chinese mobster who's stolen his nearly-indestructible heart.
CraveOnline's Call: Despite the horrible mess that was Transporter 3, I'm definitely up for a movie in which the main character dies if the action slows down. Maybe not opening night material, but good for a laugh and a machine-gun heartbeat.
17 Again
Release Date: April 17
Director: Burr Steers
Starring: Zac Efron, Leslie Mann, Thomas Lennon, Matthew Perry
Rating: PG-13
It's 1989, and Mike O'Donnell has it all laid out ahead of him; he's s a star on his high school basketball team, with a college scout in the stands and a bright future in his grasp. But he gives it all up to share his life with his girlfriend Scarlett, and the baby he just learned they're expecting. Fast forward 20 years - his marriage to Scarlett has fallen apart, he's been passed over for a promotion at work, his kids think he is a loser and he's got every reason on earth to eat a bullet. But he's given another chance when he is miraculously transformed back to the age of 17. Unfortunately, Mike may look 17 again, but his thirtysomething outlook is totally uncool in the class of 2009. And in trying to recapture his best years, Mike could lose the best things that ever happened to him.
CraveOnline's Call: Didn't we see this shit already in 13 going on 30? Or Trading Places/Freaky Friday or whatever the hell Lindsay Lohan did with Jamie Lee Hermaphrodite? Don't tell me I have to spend the next 20 years watching the cultivation of the blinding beam of talent that is Zac Efron. I can think of more merciful Hells.
The Soloist
Release Date: April 24
Director: Joe Wright
Starring: Robert Downey Jr, Jamie Foxx, Susannah Grant
Rating: PG-13
The Soloist follows the tried and true formula of following the troubled life of a fantastically talented musician. Based on the written work of journalist Steve Lopez (Downey), the Soloist follows the life of Nathanial Ayers, a Julliard-trained musician who developed schizophrenia and ended up homeless in Los Angeles. As Lopez struggles to help the homeless man find his way back, a unique friendship is formed, one that transforms both their lives. Foxx is expected to shine in this performance, much the same way he did in Ray.
CraveOnline's Call: Seems like a soft lob down the middle of Oscar's alley, but it's way too early in the season to be remembered down the line. Either way, Downey's on fire these days, and Foxx always shines (except for that weird thing with Jessica Biel, but whatever). Let's roll.
