#2 Dead Alive


Dead Alive: Probably spent twice the budget on fake blood than for everything else combined.

The lawnmower scene in this movie is the goriest scene ever filmed. Period. How Peter Jackson ever got someone to give him 300 bazillion dollars to make hobbit movies after producing a string of gross out, low budge zombie flicks like this is beyond anyone’s grasp. When a Sumatran rat-monkey infects pussy mama’s boy New Zealander Lionel’s mother with a zombie virus, all hell breaks loose as he tries to keep her from eating the whole goddamn town. I can safely say that this film is batshit crazy, if not for the zombie babies, ninja priests and pathetic John Arbuckle love story between Lionel and his neighbor, Paquita, than at least for the scene in which a mutated super zombie form of Lionel’s mother tries to return him to her womb.

B-Movie Clichés: Zombies, ax murder, arterial spray, exploding guts, buckets of blood, bizarre humor, sexy sidekick, Oedipus complex.

WTF Quote: Paquita Maria Sanchez: Your mother ate my dog!
Lionel Cosgrove: Not all of it.

#1 Pee Wee’s Big Adventure


If you don't love Pee-Wee, than the terrorists have already won.

Believe it or not, this movie is actually a remake of Vittorio De Sica's Italian neo-realist classic, “The Bicycle Thief”. In a way, that makes all the low brow, family friendly dick and fart jokes even more amusing! Everything about this movie manages to be funny and creepy at the same time, a combination that would make director Tim Burton and composer Danny Elfman shit-tons money in the future. Paul Rubens at the height of Pee
Wee Herman fame commits entirely to a character so weird that Jim Carrey would sell his soul to be even a shadow of. If you don’t believe that Paul Rubens is a genius among entertainers just because he likes happened to have a jack attack in a porno theater one day, than you are a tard. Everyone, especially dorks who love Tim Burton’s crappy puppet movies but have never seen one of his actual films, should own this movie.

B-Movie Clichés: Bizarre humor, freaks, misunderstood monsters, Tim Burton, unnecessary sequel.

WTF Quote: Pee-wee: There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand. Dottie: I don’t understand…

If you enjoyed this list, check out the first Top 10 Cult Movies article HERE.