By Nathan Jordan

The stock market may on the rise, but everyday people are still feeling the effects of the recession. A recent study even found that shark attacks are down this year. Less spending means fewer vacations which means less people in the water.

Here are 10 other side effects of the recession:
 
-Less people are injuring their fingers in money counting machines.
 
-The expression “a day late and a dollar short” has been changed to “a day late and a quarter short.”
 
-People are no longer buying pets so much as eating them.
 

Cute and nutritious.
 
-Rich people forced to play Monopoly with Monopoly money.
 
-Pots-to-piss-in sales are down 78%.
 
-No one listening to that slick-talking wisenheimer who claims that what this town needs is a boys marching band instead of a pool hall.
 

I Googled "The Music Man" and found this picture.
 
-Crystal meth users have now switched to the cheaper cubic zirconia meth.
 
-ABC has replaced all programming with pirated footage of The Jay Leno Show.
 
-More people collecting 200 coupons to claim penny.
 
- "I Am Legend 2" will now star DJ Jazzy Jeff.
 

Who’s up for The Pursuit of Even More Happyness?
 
-The School of Hard Knocks is cutting its ass kicking budget in half. And its theatre program is being axed.