4. Understand Literature



Knowing about books is incredibly sexy to women because it tells them, “Guess who learned how to read?” Having a knowledge of literature can also help you at parties where some asshole is trying to steal all the women by acting all snooty. If he tries to stump you and you counter the attack with some cool literature reference, let’s just say that I hope you have condoms with you! (Because you will be having sex pretty quick after that and probably won’t have time to run to a drugstore.) Here’s what I mean:

Snooty Guy (while surrounded by hot women): We’re talking about literature so now might be a good time for you to get a refill.

(women laugh)

You: I’ll give YOU a refill (point to genitals).

Snooty Guy: Why are your eyes red? Were you just out in my garage?

To be honest, I don’t really know how to casually bring up literature at parties yet, but I know for a fact that women love it. The best thing to do is to just have a book with you at all times. I have this great one that’s chock-full of dinosaurs.

5. Be Heroic and Giving

Nothing is more romantic than a true hero. That’s a fact. Whenever I think of the starving children in Africa, I start to feel really bad. But then I’ll think about myself and how I’m “starving” to have my Mercedes not beep like crazy just because I don’t always wear a seatbelt. I guess my point is that we’re all suffering in some way. Despite this collective suffering, women love a man who will ignore his needs in order to help others. Take me for example. Anytime there’s a canned food drive at work, I’m always the one who gets really upset when it’s the last day and I totally forgot to bring anything. And when some disaster happens in another part of the world, I’m always the first one to say how much I’d love to help out with the relief effort, but can’t due to the distance. Am I a hero? I don’t know. Maybe. Probably just a romantic, but who knows? To be honest, I actually kind of hate being the center of attention, which is why I usually opt to participate in group activities like Habitat for Humanity because everyone is important. From the people who tear down the old house to the folks that build the new one, everyone counts. Heck, even the guy who gets really high on the way over and spends the whole afternoon trying to balance himself on the edge of curb using just his toes is valuable. Even if the rest of the group doesn’t think so.