By Dave Schilling

There are a few seminal moments in every young man’s life.  His first legal alcoholic beverage.  His first sexual experience.  His wedding day.  The day his favorite sports team wins a championship.

How you handle these particular milestones says something about your character.  The uninitiated, the callow, the inconsiderate fellow is either ignorant of proper etiquette or simply unwilling to take the time to do the right thing. 

For those of you who are ignorant of what is expected of you during your sports team’s triumphant victory, here are a few tips to get you through the evening’s festivities. 

Your fellow party-goers will notice your politeness and sense of style.  Chances are very good that you will gain many new business contacts/sexual conquests due to your sterling manners.  These rules apply to all sports franchises.  Football, baseball, basketball, hockey, women’s paraplegic lacrosse. 

There is one exception.  Chicago Cubs fans, please feel free to read another of our many splendiferous articles.  This one does not apply to you.



First thing’s, first chaps.  If you’re going to take a dump on a car, make sure it’s not American.  An American car is bad enough without it also smelling like shit.



Remember…when taking a commemorative photo of the event, FILL THE FRAME, GENTLEMEN.  Nothing more boring than dead space in a picture.  Also, there’s no shame in preparing a handsome scrapbook for posterity.  I could suggest some really cracking scrapbooking classes at the local annex, but that’s a tale for another day.



These people know what they’re doing.  Notice the key light, adding definition to the faces in this picture.  We all know the iPhone camera sadly lacks an internal flash for night photography.  Wisely, these chaps improvised.  Smashing!