The New Face of Twlight!
 

 
My costar, Kristen Stewart
 

 
The brutal vampire vs. werewolf battle
 

 
So I’m not crazy as my friends claim. But then where am I in the preview? I was so upset that Dance Flick was almost ruined for me. (I could only manage a mere chuckle when that pregnant lady shoots out the break dancing baby in the middle of the club.) So please, Mr. Goldsmith or Mr. Schlong, let me know what is going on!
 
Nathan Jordan
 
UPDATE! After posting this letter on CraveOnline, I received this response:
 
Dear Nathan,
 
We’re sorry to hear about your disappointment. Rest assured, all of your footage is safe, and you are not forgotten. (You can also keep your $50 salary.) Unfortunately, Mr. Pattinson recovered in enough time to refilm his scenes in New Moon. This was at the insistence of Summit Entertainment and beyond our control. Rest assured, your amazing performance will be seen as we’ve struck a deal to release a “directors cut” on DVD featuring you in the lead role. Unfortunately, Summit insists that we rename the alternate version so as not to confuse the public. Look for Spew Moon on DVD in the coming months. It was a pleasure to work with you, and we look forward to a long, hard, and prosperous relationship.
 
Sincerely,
 
Thomas Schlong, Director