By Andrew Goldman for Elle.com

Once you’ve been anointed the funniest man in Amer­ica—the label Time gave Chris Rock following his sublimely un-P.C. 1996 HBO special, Bring the Pain—your options are frustratingly lim- ited. You could make a spectacular exit, like one of Rock’s mentors, Sam Kinison, who died after a head-on car crash in 1992; or you could go the route of another pal, Eddie Murphy, and star in kid-friendly movies with talking animals instead of writing more jokes employing the p-word. Rock, forever in the vanguard, chose instead to don a Margaret Mead anthropologist hat for his documentary feature Good Hair, in which the 44-year-old married father of two girls travels around the country and abroad hoping to demystify a topic that had literally been lurking right under his nose: why black women will spend—and endure—so much to maintain their impressive coiffures.

ELLE: You’ve admitted you knew little about the upkeep of black women’s hairstyles before making Good Hair. What shocked you the most to learn?

CHRIS ROCK: I couldn’t believe how strong these relaxer chemicals were. And I’ve actually had them in my hair—I remember the burning. It would be against the Geneva conventions if they used this stuff at Guantánamo.

ELLE: One guy interviewed in the movie says that between being shot and having his hair relaxed, the shooting was less painful. Can you compare the pain to anything else you’ve experienced?

CR: When I was in sixth grade, I fractured my skull playing soccer. That was not as painful as getting my hair relaxed.

ELLE: What’s the best piece of advice your mother ever gave you?

CR: She’d always say to me, “If they can’t beat your ass, and they don’t pay your bills, why do you care what they think?”

ELLE: Please relate a story of humiliation involving a woman.

CR: I was at the Mondrian in L.A. New Jack City had just come out and was the No. 1 movie in the country, so I was feeling myself for a minute. I get off an elevator, and there’s Naomi Campbell screaming, “Chris! Chris!” I’d known Naomi for a while because she used to date this guy I know. And I’m like, All right! Finally: Naomi. And she comes up to me and goes, “Have you seen Eddie [Murphy]? Can you tell him to call me?”

ELLE: The late Sam Kinison, who led a very debauched life, took you under his wing when you were a young comic. Did you learn anything about women from him?

CR: Sam might have seemed hostile to women onstage, but he actually loved them. There are guys like Jason Patric’s character in that Neil LaBute movie [Your Friends & Neighbors] who just go through a lot of women because they hate them, but Sam loved having them around, was truly interested in them. And some of them were actually not there just for the coke. It was a very sexed-up rock ’n’ roll energy at a Kinison show, which is weird because, you know, comedians can be very asexual.

ELLE: Comics are asexual? Really?

CR: You never hear girls saying, “Oh, I really want to f**k Jay Leno.”

ELLE: True. What’s been the most awkward interaction you’ve ever had with a famous woman mentioned in a joke? I can’t imagine being face-to-face with Rachael Ray after you’ve talked about copulating with her arm fat.

CR: I haven’t bumped into Rachael Ray, but I heard she didn’t like that joke. But I did say I want to f**k her, so really, how bad a joke is that? Every time I see Janet Jackson, she gives me a bad look. And I’m like, I’m sorry, but you decided to whip out your tit at the Super Bowl.

ELLE: You’ve said that the period you were on Saturday Night Live was not creatively fruitful because you were consumed with chasing women. Is it possible to do great work and have sex with a lot of women?

CR: Some guys pull it off. But it’s hard when you’re a comedian because your material has to be new every time out, and time with women just takes away from time you could be thinking about funny stuff. That’s why I think far more comedians are married than singers, for instance. Mick Jagger is still singing “Satisfaction.” But even a guy like Richard Pryor got married, like, six times. He had to at least try it so he could get some fuckin’ work done. And the groupie scene isn’t like it is for rock stars.

ELLE: Are you kidding me? I’ve seen the women at your HBO specials. You once said that during your shows, you’ve heard women screaming, “Do I make you horny?”

CR: Maybe, I don’t know. I get big crowds. But I’m trying to stay out of trouble, man.

Our friends at Elle were kind enough to provide us with this exclusive interview excerpt with legendary comedian Chris Rock. Return the favor, tell your lady-piece to pick up the October issue of Elle for the full story!