“Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act,” once stated bug-eyed comedian Marty Feldman. So why not make things easy on yourself; simply steal comedy material. Yes, become a humor-thief!  Much like ripping-off a car, stealing jokes has no consequences………if you don’t get caught! Some comedians make entire careers doing just that. It worked for such comedy giants as Carlos Mencia or old-timey Milton Berle, who was known for having the biggest “shlong” in Hollywood. They must have done something right!

Also, take from several sources; use the material of Chris Rock, dress like Adam Sandler and have a strange fixation for transsexuals like Eddie Murphy.  If you enjoy the comedy stylings of funnyman Gallager. Why not be the life of your next party by smashing a watermelon with a giant mallet, spraying all the delighted guests with pulp and seeds? Maybe the comedic songs of funnyman Weird Al Yankovic are more your cup of tea? Take advantage of this by memorizing “Like A Surgeon” and pass it off as your own next time you’re at a hootenanny.

Or do what hack comics have done for years on such shows like Comedy Central’s Premium Blend: take another comedian’s joke or premise, switch around a few words or references, then slyly try to pass it off as your own.

Take this classic joke from Steven Wright as an example:

“I’m really into the Stones. You know, Fred and Barney.”

Simply switch around a few names and references:

“I’m really into the Jetsons. You know, George and Jane.”

And wa-la, you’ve made the joke uniquely your own, cleverly hiding the fact that you are a joke-thief. Though morally and ethically wrong, stealing material is not illegal—use it to your advantage to be the funniest guy at TGI Fridays or wherever the hell it is that you hang out.  Maybe you could be the next Dane Cook?

Harmon Leon is Freedomhaters.org