By Nathan Jordan

While there’s no excuse for breaking the law, we at CraveOnline know that sometimes there’s a need for speed. Maybe your wife is having a baby. Or it could be that you’re about to be late for that big, important business meeting. Or perhaps you have about five minutes before the moon comes out and you need to chain yourself to something.

Whatever your reasons, being pulled over by a police officer makes speeding a possibly very expensive risk. But fear not! Police Officers are human too, and the right approach may just save you a couple hundred dollars and one very large headache.
 
1. Pretend you’re an undercover police officer.

First, lean against your car with your arms crossed and sunglasses on. A toothpick in your mouth is optional, but always a nice touch. When the real police officer approaches the car look really annoyed. Follow this with, “What the fuck, man? You’re interfering with a sting operation, buddy.” When the officer hears the words “sting operation,” he’ll know that you mean business, and you are probably a genuine undercover cop. Follow this with, “The perp got away. We’ve been trying to nail this guy for months, asshole. And now, thanks to you, my cover may be blown.” The flustered, embarrassed police officer won’t even ask to see your badge. And just to close the deal, get his badge number and tell him that you’re reporting him to Officer Bermuda Harry. (He won’t know who that is, but the name’s just crazy enough to be real.) 
 

If I wasn’t an undercover cop, do you think I would really drive a Daewoo?
 
2. Another approach is to simply be upfront and honest.

Cops have heard every excuse in the book, so it’s refreshing to hear someone just admit a mistake: “Yes, officer, I am aware that I just drove through a house. And I did that because I’m on massive amounts of cocaine. But before you let me go with a warning for being so charmingly honest, just between you and me there’s a dead hooker in my trunk.”
 

“Thank you for being honest. Now carry on, citizen!”