“Ok so what about robots?” you might stupidly wonder aloud. Nope, Transformers put a stop to that. Just like Brokeback Mountain ruined everything for cowboys. Unicorns may seem like a safe bet, but their whimsical nature keeps them about one Hannah Montana away from being embraced by millions of 12-year old girls, a dangerous association that may not be worth the risk.


A gay robot watching a macho cowboy picture on television.

On the scale of “randomosity”, there is little that can match for the hilarity of “furries”, which are nerds that dress up in comical animal suits for sex. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who you ask), most people don’t know and refuse to ever know what a furry actually is. As a result, references to furries will often be met with blank stares. Since the point of this exercise is to seem to be the only person that has thought to make reference of a person, place or thing that everyone else is on some level aware of, this result would of course be unsatisfactory.

All of this research (by research, I am of course referring to the roll of my trusty twelve sided die of decision) has led me to believe that either dinosaurs or space vampires are the new robot-zombie-ninja-pirates. Either way, you only have approximately fifteen minutes to reference one or the other before it’s too late! Examples follow:


Exhibit A: Raptor Jesus (Protip: making fun of religious icons is made of win!)


Exhibit B: Space Vampire (Protip: it's now ironic to use "lol" in every picture!)

Next month’s lesson: If Obama is the new Dr. Phil is the new Cosby is the new George W. is the new Chuck Norris is the new David Hasselhoff, then who is the new Obama?