By Spaceman From The Future

Greetings, Carbon Based Units!  It’s your old chum, the Spaceman from the Future!  I have once again hurtled through the timescape to reach you fine fellows in the Year Two Thousand & 9.  Where I come from, I am an accredited journalist with many fantastic interviews to my name.

You might recall my stirring one-on-one with the Michael Jackson robot, Jackobot 5000.  I am also known for speaking with the 79th President of the United States, George W. Bush-o-Tron and Zolbort Jenkins, the first openly asexual, black, Martian golfer.

Today, I bring you my most powerful interview yet.  I traveled to the Year Two Thousand & 70 to sit down with a young lady whose story has yet to be told, whose has been yearning to speak…

Rihanna…from the FUTURE



This is what domestic violence does to a woman.

Spaceman from the Future: Rihanna, thanks for being willing to speak with Crave.

Rihanna from the Future: My pleasure.  I appreciate you giving me this chance to talk to my fans from 60 years ago.

SMFTF: First question: why did you decide to marry Chris Brown?  After all of the things you said to Diane Sawyer about how you never should have fallen in love with him, that going back to him endangered women across the country, you decide to tie the knot no less than 6 months later.

RFTF: He said he was sorry.

SMFTF: Did he ever hit you again?

RFTF: Of course, but like I told you, he said he was sorry.

SMFTF: You don’t see that there is something wrong with you going back on your statements in your previous interview?

RFTF: That’s why I’m here, Mr. Spaceman, to set the record straight.  Love does conquer all, even repeated abuse, both verbal and physical.

SMFTF: You are really saying that?  Officially?

RFTF: I don’t know…maybe?
 
SMFTF: You can’t have it both ways.  Do you love Chris Brown or not?!

RFTF: Ummm…

Chris Brown from the Future: Whachu doin’ in here, ho?!  Didn’t I tell you about speaking to time-traveling reporters?



He’s “Runnin’ it” well into his 80s.

RFTF: Sorry.  I just wanted to speak to my fans.

CBFTF: You’re gonna be speakin’ to ma fist in about 10 seconds, if ‘chu don’t shut up, ho.