When the first ten years of the Millennium came, it was obvious sooner or later we'd see revived pop culture from the eighties. Now with 2010 approaching, we're going to see a renewed interest in items and styles from the nineties. With "The Wackness" hearkening back to the decade of the SNES and Boyz II Men, and the remake of "90210" it's inevitable we'll see the 90's come back in full force. It's not a new trend here, folks. Remember the fifties fixation of the seventies, or the seventies fixation in the nineties? Now, while I'm on the fence in celebrating a vacuous decade nevertheless filled with great memories, here are ten things from the 90's I really don't want back or relived.

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Cassettes
Didn't you hate cassettes? I did. I really hope music stars don't begin pretending Cassettes were great. I know the cassette was originally a staple of the seventies and eighties but as I remember, the nineties were also about the cassettes along with the introduction of the CD. The cassette was the bastion of the poor folk back in the nineties, the rapid fire waves of technology has rendered the cassette tape utterly obsolete. Remember when you'd copy a cassette, you'd have to have the entire cassette play, and then you'd have to get the timing just right on the song. You'd start it, press record, wait for the song to finish, and press Stop. What? You forgot to unpause it? Damn! Now you have to restart the song and sit through it, and also spend four minutes rewinding the song. Good thing for CD's, now you just have to list all the songs on a CD, drop down the songs on Nero where you can make an MP3 disc compilation and make sure you get the sound equalized for all the songs to play on balanced levels of sound and bass, and then wait for it to read the songs, and eventually burn the songs on to a CD. Technology makes things so much easier.

Vanilla Ice
You just know eventually someone somewhere is going to include "Ice Ice Baby," in an ad for Iced Tea, or Dentyne Ice, or something about Ice, and the circle will be complete. Vanilla Ice will be back in the public consciousness, and we'll start seeing more from Rob Van Winkle who will likely host his own reality show, or try to stage a comeback. I don't doubt the man's fleeting relevance in the nineties as a popular white Rapper whose biggest moment was singing a ninja rap during a bad sequel to a kids movie, but what with Eminem and the Beastie Boys still making waves, the last thing we need is for Vanilla Ice to re-emerge and bring the concept of Caucasian rappers five steps back in to comedy territory.

Friends
There were slight rumblings after the success of the "Sex and the City" movie that there were talks of a "Friends" movie. Thankfully it was all nothing but rumors. Although with the long lasting popularity of the series, it may eventually continue. "Friends" hasn't aged well as a sitcom. Sure it was fun back then, but these days trying to watch an episode inflicts immense pain on me. The jokes are cheesy, the acting is terrible, the storylines are absolutely trite, and the plot devices are so saccharine. How many times did we see a character chasing/meeting/reuniting with their loved one at an airport during the series run? How many times did we hear a U2 song during an episode? How many times can you hear someone exclaim "Oh my god!" before you want to shoot yourself? The show ended, everyone has kids, and the spin off failed, leave it be. No movies. No remakes. No reunions. Let sleeping dogs lie. And no "90210" style revivals, please.

VHS
Originally the dominating format for almost two decades VHS tapes were an incredible technology for a long time. Sure all movies were in full screen format, had almost no extras until the DVD was introduced, and you constantly had to spend minutes to rewind and forward, but it was a great technology and we all really enjoyed what it offered in the way of rare films and a new way of watching some of our favorite movies. To this day, in spite of the technology being rendered totally obsolete, there are still an obscene number of films that can only be located on VHS, and rare film collectors don't mind owning a VCR to watch them. VHS is out but it's a hard habit to break especially when hundreds of movies have yet to see a DVD release, while "Van Helsing" is on its third re-release.

Pogs/Bottlecaps
Hey kids, want to collect round cardboard discs? Remember how much fanatics there were for these round cardboard discs with pictures on them? We had a three dollar plastic case, plastic pogs for obscene prices, and metallic pogs for even larger prices. People used to steal them from each other, kids beat each other up for them, and some stores even had large display cases with them. There was even an OJ in jail metal pog for forty bucks. Who ever created the bottle cap must have also invented the pet rock, because only a genius could get kids foaming at the mouth over a paper disc with a flaming skull on it. They'd chip, crack, peel, and god forbid you got them wet. Yes, I collected them. Now let us never speak of them again.

Giga Pets
In my freshman year of high school I knew a girl who had seven of these giga pets on a giant keychain. And that's not the scary part. She had no keys. For what I'm assuming is a simulator for people too lazy to care for animals or simply couldn't own them, Giga Pets were a craze I was happy to see move on. I never found the amusement in cleaning up pixilated crap, spanking your pixilated dog, and putting him out in the pixilated dog house. Not to mention, the fact that the pixilated dog always humped at the screen when in heat. Don't worry, this may have disappeared, but we still were given "Dogz" for the Nintendo DS. Still a pointless endeavor, all things considered.

Steve Urkel
"I can't believe I used to love this crap." That was my response to watching an episode of "Family Matters" on Nick at Nite recently. We were obsessed with "Family Matters" back in the good old days of TGIF's bland inoffensive series run every Friday night on ABC, and the craze became so huge we inevitably owned Urkel dolls and even had our own patented Urkel impressions. Watching it now, the character has aged as badly as the actual sitcom, but it's not surprising the show eventually became completely centered on Steve. Without the nerdy klutz the show is just another bland boring "Cosby Show" wannabe. While you have to credit Jaleel White for sticking it out all those years as this marketing gimmick, I really hope we don't get a revival or reunion show with Urkel leading the charge. The first person who imitates Urkel gets a fist to the throat.

Spice Girls
Let's face it here; if you were a guy and were a fan of the Spice Girls, the odds are you had a complete hard on for all four of them. Can you name all four of the girls? You probably know the lyrics to "Wannabe" and "Got to Be There" right? You likely saw "Spice World," too, didn't you? You should be ashamed of yourself. I followed them too, so don't feel bad. Feel embarrassed, but not bad. Ginger Spice was always my favorite. She was chunky, but her red hair drove me nuts. And there's just something about Brits that also leave me swooning. Their fame thankfully died out in a hail of bad retreads of their songs and an ill fated guest spot on "The Daily Show," and I really hope we don't see these moronic Beatles wannabes in the States again because I'd like to believe we've moved past mediocre British girl bands since we're now focused on mediocre tween pop rock bands. I'm looking at you Jonas Brothers. Say NO to a reunion tour!

Boy Bands
Cliché as it may be to insist upon this, I truly mean this. My nostalgia does not extend so far that I'll welcome a compilation of Boy Band hits just to remind me of the decade, and I'm more inclined to forget they ever existed. Though the remains of the boy bands still linger in television shows, and terrible karaoke game shows there's still the lingering threat of an onslaught of boy band reunion tours what with the New Kids on the Block staging a worldwide reunion even with Donnie Wahlberg leading the charge. Something about forty something men singing "Hanging Tough" makes me cringe, and I hope we don't see any more of these groups polluting the airwaves. I know it's a cliché for a guy to bitch about boy bands, but I don't care. These guys were the herpes on the face of music.

Jenny McCarthy
Hey, Jenny. This is me Felix, a former fan of yours. I remember back in the days of MTV where you and the hilarious Chris Hardwicke were on "Singled Out" and you eventually branched off. You were good on the series until you had this crazy notion that you were as funny as people thought you were and tried your hardest to be like Lucille Ball. The problem is that you're not Lucille Ball. You're barely Whoopi Goldberg. Trying to convince us you were this shameless blond, you seemed to do everything to turn people off to you, even headlining your own short lived sitcom and skit show. Jenny, you were an interesting staple of the nineties, but enough is enough. You're kind of hot, and a decent actress, but stop trying to insist that you're funny, because you just aren't. Either play it straight or go away forever. You just aren't funny.