Comedy Central was saved from oblivion in 1997 by a little show about four foul-mouthed animated boys in a small Colorado town. Eleven years, twelve seasons of "South Park" and a million failed shows later, the network unabashedly continues to disappoint. Its unprecedented streak of uninspired bullsh*t comedy shows like "Kenny Vs. Spenny" aside, Comedy Central attempts to justify its existence by pimping the hell out of the only three programs people actually watch on the channel anymore: "South Park," "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report."

Gone are the days of SNL reruns spanning nearly three decades, as well as any sense of quality variety whatsoever in their programming. I remember watching "Politically Incorrect" and "Chappelle's Show" a hundred years ago, excited to see such fresh, envelope-pushing programming on basic cable. It was an exciting time, knowing there was a channel you could always turn to for laughs.

Now, what we get instead is a Hey-let's-watch-ten-straight-hours-of-"Scrubs" network, with weekend breaks for unfathomably bad movie marathons set on repeat until the Monday pre-dawn informercials start. Need proof? Turn it on right now. If it's after 7am and before 10pm where you are, "Scrubs" is on. Guaranteed.

But what about "Reno 911," you ask? It's one of my favorite shows ever, but for some ungodly contractual reason, Comedy Central now only plays the same eight goddamned episodes from the last two seasons over and over again. I know them by heart. They're not funny anymore.

Well, what about "MADtv" then? Come on, a second-rate ripoff of a failing Saturday night skit show? As Seth & Amy would put it: Really?! You guys pissed off Lorne Michaels so bad that he wouldn't even give you the lame early-80's SNL episodes? Really?! Evidently you did. So instead, you replaced it with the least-funny skit show ever made, figuring that your stoned audience wouldn't know the difference. Really??!!

Sure, the Nascar crowd loves the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour," and "Reality Bites Back" has its moments; Michael Ian Black is the perfect caricature of a reality show host. But let's be honest with ourselves here. On the whole, Comedy Central has been reduced to a wasteland of laughter, a black hole of funny, an ocean of failed humor. The only shred of legitimacy the network can cling to while waiting for the next season of "South Park" is in Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's late night politi-coms, celebrity roasts and the occasional 2am comedy special. Their "Comedy Central Presents" stand-up mash-up show would qualify for the "pros" column on this doomed network, if it weren't for the fact that their selections are pulled from performances that took place between 1990 and 1996. In a post-9/11 world there's nothing quite like watching Paula Poundstone tell jokes about Milli Vanilli and Bush Sr. in her linebacker's shoulder-pad suitcoat.

Needless to say, Comedy Central's in desperate need of a complete overhaul, especially when people can watch Colbert and Stewart on comedycentral.com. So it begs the question: Who's in charge of programming here? Who the hell greenlights shows like "Drawn Together"? The best first step Comedy Central could take towards redemption would be to have these guys drawn and quartered, live on their own network.

Hell, it's bound to get better ratings than "Lil Bush."